Body on fire solutions?

"Sometimes these wings get a little heavy I can't see between the lines but I'm rocking steady. When I can't  fly I start to fall but I've got wheels I'm rolling on" -Miranda Lambert.

Haven't seen this guy in a while... #backpack #backpack #tubie

Back to tube feeding we go. (It's a chocolate orgain meal replacement shake and baby formula cocktail.) 

I have been having some not so fun full body burning, fatigue, insomnia. I was getting really concerned. It is something that's been ongoing for months but getting worse by the week. It was only at night time but this week turned 24/7. We were not sure what to do or what was causing this nerve pain....  (having multiple diseases gets complicated to pinpoint issues. We hit our heads against the walls regularly. And it is simply harder this year. I lost my confidence in figuring out what is wrong with my body.) Then it hit me. The answer to my prayers. I have felt this way before.

It was during the time I was coming off my formula tube feeds to foods. My body was no longer absorbing the protein out of normal foods because it was so used to more broken down proteins in formula. Malabsorption from Gastroparesis? So I contacted my doctor to make sure this was on the right track and they agreed. So back to tube feeding. I never imagined I would be so istatic over tube feedings. You see the thing is, you can work with nutrtion. You can supplement it. Though I am eating by mouth my body is rejecting it. Ignoring it. Not processing it. And I have been muscle wasting causing these horrible symptoms. But the good news is fingers crossed for two days it seems to be doing the trick. Moral of the story, NEVER be ashamed of tube feedings. They keep you well and well is the best way to be! It doesnt matter HOW you get nutrtion it matters that you GET IT. It was definitely a God thing. He is with me always. Directing me down this crazy windy path. One day at a time. Simply blessed -Chelle

Food for thought

After last years tsunami hit our lives. I had been in survival mode. One crucial thing that happens after survival mode is you hit I have to deal with what just happened mode. And it is hard. It is hard to mentally breakdown the unimaginable. But I have been. I've been really focused on myself. And no I do not mean focused like I am the only person whose happiness matters type of focus... I mean like taking care of myself and working through emotional baggage. So I can move forward in life. The good thing is I have been here before. And after I was in this ever so fun vulnerable spot, I did move on and I did find peace and happiness. I have had a LOT of anxiety lately. And I am working on overcoming my fears. Oddly enough one thing like clockwork that I struggle with is people's perceptions of me. I am a people pleaser. So I am having  to work really hard to not care what others think. I also compare myself which is hilarious because apples and oranges baby! A quote that I have always stuck by is, "it's not about your scars. It's all about your heart." And I am finding that to be truer then ever. We get knocked down in life and others might at times make you feel bad about this. Bad that you're not doing everything the way they are. But know in your heart where you sit with heavenly father and what he wants you to do. Listen. Follow his direction and his guidance. That will get you through the storm. Stop and take a pause for yourself, quit pleasing others, (because they can't possibly know. Honestly. No one can actually go through what you're going through. It is just a fact. Compassion, yes compassion is always there.... but it is okay for people to not understand what you're doing in the moment.), and follow heavenly father's direction. That is a sure way to get to where you need to be. Because we do not need to be where the Joneses are, we need to be right where we need to be in this moement of our lives. Because we are all put here for different reasons to learn differently. This is the pathway home back to heavenly father. So goal is not to worry about what others are doing or think you should or shouldn't be doing, just do what you NEED to be doing. As long as you're following God and his plan you are doing what needs to be done. Heavenly  Father spoke to me this past week and told me this because I was consuming myself with negative energy. And he knew all I was doing is adding more pain then necessary trying to be quote on quote "perfect and pleasing". It is okay if it looks odd to others. Especially in my case I have 10 chronic illnesses. Why would the picture of me look like some one else, who does not?. Exactly it won't. No matter how hard I try to fit into a cookie cutter, I never will. So I am learning to embrace my differences because they make me me. They do not devalue me or take away, they build me up. We are all different in different ways and that is the. eauty of it. Just some food for thought this morning -Chelle.

My PSA announcement.

I was just scrolling through social media and there is so much sinful and hateful actions spewing from the internet. From person to person. It is every where, the news, and social media. Every where we go people are talking of politics and the ways of the world. I can't help but feel sad for heavenly father for his hands must be very full. There is so much turmoil in so many different fashions. And then I am grateful. I am back home. I am me. And I realize maybe just maybe I am so chronically ill to protect me from the world. Maybe my trial is a pure blessing at the end of the day. I spend less of my time focused on worldliness in my lifestyle. I spend a lot of time alone and it really stinks in ways but there are moments when I realize, I am protected by God. Maybe it seems odd that I would think this way but I feel I am being protected nonetheless. Remeber,

Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light Come, little child, and together we'll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.
Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we'll walk in the light.

 Choose the harder right then the easier left for the outcome will be oh so much more rewarding. -Chelle