The Highs & Lows

Today I masked the huge task of putting my makeup on. I haven't probably worn makeup in a month. I feel like time stopped while I was in the hospital, but it only stopped for me. Lol. To my suprise nearly a month has gone by. It felt better to feel put together. The answer to how I am doing is, "I'm better but, not better." I had two more epidural blood patches after my hospital stay. This is where we learned for the first time that I have a herniated disc. (L1) The disc is the cause of the massive spinal fluid leak. Bed rest and epidural patches we hope and pray will aid my body to heal itself. The surgeon looked at my case while I was getting my 3rd & 4th patches, also my last. They will not do anymore because, it should heal. If it does not heal it will need the aid of surgery. Obviously, we don't want surgery. I have a month to heal and then we will start doing testing that poses risks for me upon surgery. We didn't know what caused the leak and were under the impression it was spontaneous. So though I was upset to learn I have a herniated disc, (that was a very abnormal case.) along with the leak... It kinda eased my mind to know something caused this horrific situation. I still am unsure how this possibly happened to me. I don't lift nor am I active. Then again when you get deconditioned you can get injured very easily. I'm a tiny girl so everything is heavy maybe somehow I lifted something and it injured me. I'll never know. The dog ran out of dog food and thankfully our sweet neighbors have taken care of feeding him their own dog food, and caring for him the whole three week I was gone. Such a blessing to me and my pup dog! So I got out of the house for the first time to buy dog food. I went to the store, pointed at the bag I wanted, grabbed some treats, checked out, and came home. Haha. I will admit having a fiancé comes in handy. I don't have to lift anything. I get to point at it and walk away. Lol. Such a very short trip to the store can make you feel human again. The rain came in today and boy did I suffer with head pain. We pushed the wedding a month to November, We lost a month in the hospital so we need a little more time to put things together. There is lemonade. There is hope. A little bit of struggles, pain, and aches. Confusions at times, but hope nonetheless. I have a life to live and people to love. God has a plan for me and I will rest in him. One day it will all make perfect sense. -Chelle