Resting in him

Because sometimes we just need a reminder after being up sick all night. That fear is the problem in the equation. And that the antidote for fear is faith. I know God speaks to me through song at just the right time when my heart is too heavy to bear much more. I slept a few short hours and woke to, Lillies in the field" playing through my head. A definite promoting to listen. An hour later I find myself 9n tears and filled with what only could be his love and peace. Nothing on this earth could offer such peace and love. It is a gift and I am thankful for each and every tender mercy I get here and for the sweet direction and guidance of my one and only Heavenly Father. The only one who truly knows my heart. -Chelle

Another diagnosis

This past month not hip has been bothering me and I have not been able to walk and I have been aking up in pain. My pcp did some basic tests and found I have degenerative disc disease in my lumbar spine. This is scary as I have a herniated disc in my mid back and a history of spinal fluid leaks. The thought of my spine falling apart makes my stomach sink. I think something else is wrong with my hip as it effects my range of motion and I have experience with sciatic pain and this hip is just different but you know how docs dont always listen to me. I am seeing my neurologist at the end if the month who specializes in EDS a collegen disorder I have that causes my joints to dislocate. We think the spine has been there and they stumbled upon it but the hip is likely from my EDS I have likely injured it via dislocation. So frustrating to keep finding problems. My heart hurts when I think on it too much but I know God has made me this way for a reason bigger then myself. I hate being sick but I have to trust that the Lord can heal me or help me through it. I have to believe my lifeguard walks on water so I can't drown. And he does so I know even when my heart aches... I am okay.

So I will put on lippie stick and curl my hair because feeling sorry for myself will never help. Faith is bugfer then fears. One day at a time -Chelle

Fear is a liar at 4 am

I have been struggling with severe to crippling hip pain for a good month now. Maybe even longer. I even had acupuncture for the first time yesterday and it helped for the day but something is happening in my sleep. This morning I woke up with excruciating pain and I pushed through it to get to my pain meds trying not to wake husband. As I hobbled back to bed I wondered why this is happening. I mean  I have been unable to walk from this it is so bad at times. And the test of the time I hobble around like a pirate. I am always trying to figure things out because when something is wrong with this body I am normally the one who does the figuring. I have a team of good doctors who I know will try. .. but why do I wake up from being I'm such bad pain several times a night? What is causing the pain? Is it Ehlers-Danlos syndrome? Am I hyper extending and dislocating in my sleep? Are we really going to start going down that road? Before I knew it my brain was like a bee hive full of thoughts buzzing around in my head. And I had a song stuck in my head since I woke up. Didn't pay any attention to it. Hello I am in too much pain to care about a song stuck in my head. Then in the midst of a beehive anxiety riddled thought I hear, "fear, he is a liar He will steal your faith. Rob your happiness." As I am on the brink of I cant do this tears... I found myself crying tears because I knew in that moment I was not alone and heavenly father was telling me not to be afraid. He put that song in my head it was my job to listen. And I felt the comfort of never being alone in my trials. Knowing that I have an all powerful God and a savior who atoned for my sins. Because of this I don't need to listen to fear. Or worry about my disease riddled body. Or worry about getting off medications that are so hard to get off but I've been doing. When you die they put you on a lot of things and for the past year all I've been doing is coming off medication after medication and it has been a trial of it's own but I know the reward will be worth it
I promise in our darkest hours we are never alone. When we are in pain he is there if we just turn to him in faith he can relieve the most excruciating moments. He can take that sharp edge off of it and replace it with perfect peace. But we have to be willing to listen. -Chelle

Post Covid Update

I hope every one have a blessed and fun fourth of July!!

 We just hung out at home with quarantines and lack of events around town. It was a simple day filled with grilling and chilling. 

I have been off quarantine for almost a week. I have gotten better. The Covid is gone and my POTS is still bothering me but not it seems to be coming along. I also would say my tummy (gastroparesis) is coming along as well. Definetly getting stronger. The heat is also playing into my worsening POTS symptoms as heat will ramp POTS symptoms. I do my best to stay indoors in the summer, unfortunately. We made another trip to the doctors yesterday in Phoenix. I survived, it was hot. I do not like covid protocols. I do not like them at all. Anywhere I do think some precautions are necessary but having covid myself people are taking it way to far in my personal opinion. I have not been out in months and it is a completely different world out there. A sad world of fear. What happened to faith over fear? I pray for God in our lives. I pray to see his hand in mine and others to see his hand in theirs and to stop and recognize him. Our life guard walks on water we have no need to be SO fearful. Smart is fine. Some precautions are fine. But fear is not fine. I will continue to walk in faith knowing that my redeemer lives. Fear is a choice. He is there we will have a plan Devine and lessons on earth to learn. We can not run from those lessons because no matter how hard we try they will come anyways if meant to be. It's not a  punishment it is just part of our earthly journey here on earth. I got sick for a reason (chronically) there is a plan in it and no matter how hard I try I could never run away or stop it. So now I choose to have faith in God's plan. Have faith in the way he made me. To have faith to not be healed and to realize this is no punishment it is a blessing. The way things were meant to be. I will always fight and try to heal don't get me wrong this is not a post promoting sickness or to not try to prevent sickness. We all have free agency. But a post of faith versus much fear I see in the world. I feel we are crumbling in fear and crippling ourselves when I look around. We are stronger then our fear with God I can attest my biggest fears have been my biggest blessings in disguise. A thought from -Chelle

I have Covid.

I found my new anthem and it is perfect. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1xlpcu3gsU

yesterday I found out I tested positive for Covid19. I started getting sick 2 weeks ago the first week was mere fatigue and body aches
 I honestly thought my thyroid was low. The following week I woke up with a sore throat, nasal congestion. And fevers. The next 24 hours worsened and I started having GI issues and worsening fevers. Headaches. It has so far been in my opinion like a long drawn out version of the flu. The cough is very dry. My lungs have hurt but mostly just uncomfortable and dry feeling. Vitamin C,D, and Zinc were prescribed and they make a huge difference I suggest everyone be taking them now. I got this because my husband is an essential employee. I have not been out in public at all for months.  The biggest fight was continuing my ivig treatments and I did have a slip into catatonia one night. Over all I feel blessed and pray I am on the wns of this covid and can move forward. Dont loose hope. Remeber God is your anchor and our life guard walks on water. I've been listening to hymn mash ups every morning and that just makes life so much better. It is truly medicine for the soul. I will trust in you -Chelle

Update Covid is improving may even be gone but it has made my POTS worsen and my autoimmune encephalitis is flaring I think. Big prayers tomorrows dose of ivig knocks it out.

Peace in Christ

This song has been repeatedly playing in my head and I find it no coincidence.
https://youtu.be/R46J-GjbRWA

My heart is heavy and the world is defeating so I turn to Heavenly Father and he sends me church talks. And I listen. And make no mistake each prayer I get, an answer of guidance during these trying times. It is okay to be afraid, hurt, heart broken, or whatever you are feeling... but there is always peace in Christ. One thing I know time and time again... when the world is a heavy burden and you have no control. There is peace in Christ and our Heavenly Father. Time and time again I find myself in an out of control situation in life. Whether it my health (the typical) or worldly events. I promise you if you turn to Our ever -loving Heavenly Father he will calm your storms and guide you through it.
 Choose to be a light. Choose goodness. A soft heart. Forgiveness. -Chelle

It is well

This week it has been well with my soul... I am moving mountains I feel in my life in the first time in a long time.

Tonight,I lay restless and sleepless staring out my window from the couch. Looming out the blinds to the sky. Wondering if I will ever fall asleep. (Just another lovely side effect of IVIG.)

This week has been full of blessings and Heavenly Father's hand is a definite in our lives right now. My Angels round about me to bear me up. I have had so many tender mercies and I feel so comforted in that during this trying time of finding my new normal. I am trying to work again and being disabled that likely will always be a trial of some sorts. But I have been working hard and feeling good. I am tired but good and tired I can do. My biggest struggle has been waiting for everything I've worked so hard for to come crashing down on me. Well that or the next big life altering tornado to blow through but that is fear not faith and I have gotten several spiritual confirmations that this is not the case. When you are constantly trying not to drown you dont know what to do with yourself when you hit dry land. So this time is to grow and be happy. Faith in God's timing and HIS plans for our family. Work is bringing physical hardships but is so rewarding and fuel to my soul. It's nice to feel productive again. I just can't get over how blessed I truly am feeling. Even if all this does not work out I will have tried my hardest and there has been lots of feeling of the spirit and that is priceless. Even if it ends up being temporary. But it won't be. Xo - Chelle