My spine may be leaking, my brain bleeding, and my heart full. I can't drive or take care of myself currently. I am on strict bed rest and when I went to the pharmacy with the Husband tonight, because I was bound to go stir crazy in this house... I stumbled like a drunk due to my spine leaking... And I got very stared at as if I were an alcoholic or something of sorts. But I kept going because well, when you get lemons you made lemonade! 
Something I have not been able to do for a long time is lift another sick person up. That's a big reason I haven't been blogging anymore. You see when I got sick, I was inspired by God to share my story. I wanted to help others with the gift Heavenly Father bestowed upon me, that trials are our biggest blessings in this lifetime. That's something my heart firmly believes in to this day. Hard times come but they come for a reason to stretch us further then we could have ever done on our own through God. That's what life is all about, getting our bodies, learning the things we need to go onto our next life, our eternal life, in Heaven. This is what brought me comfort was my faith in God and God's timing. I always knew in my heart there was a fire that burned to help light other's facing hardship. I simply prayed and followed what God put in my heart. As I went into partial remission in 2016, it got substantially harder to feelconnected to the chronically sick. (I was not cured and still had many of my own health issues.) I did not understand why it was SO hard for me to share my story and my knoweldge and faith in God and his plan for us all. I think I was trying too hard and when I couldn't just make it happen easily, I took a step backwards. Because, everything I've ever done regarding this blog, has been in my heart. So, I decided to pray about it. God told me it was okay to stop blogging. He told me I had helped more then I could ever imagine. And it hurt my heart a bit to stop but, I knew at the time I needed to do Chelle time. And honestly, I am glad I did. I lived and experienced things that I needed to during that time in my life to get me to the next phase of life. Of course during that time, there were definite trials and conflictions in my heart that I wasn't doing enough in my power to help others. And I would try but I just didn't have the answers and the comfortable knowledge within me. Kinda as if I lost my spark. Writing became extremely hard and I literally would just sit here and stare with writers block. I never plan a post and I never had an issue. That's why this blog is a hot mess. It was straight from the heart and published. Easy peasy. But tonight after enduring a hard month of pain and suffering, my heart felt that spark! And I was brave enough to reach out to a fellow spoonie. I gave my heart felt testimony that we are SO much more then our bodies and each and everyone of us is oh so precious! We each have a plan Enternal and God's love for us never fails. Trials are life's biggest blessings but not to be confused that a trials do in fact hurt and weighs heavy mentally and physically too often. But God has given me this platform in this life. I was a very sick disabled girl who functioned highly and fell straight on her face at 18 years old. I required lots of care and I almost died many times. Most of these times, I didn't even have a proper diagnosis, and I'd bounce around from different specialists begging for help. You all know my stomach paralyzed from my neurological disorder "Dysautonomia" and I lived through feeding tubes and central lines. Then I got better and ate by mouth. I also have found the one whom my soul loves and I get to tell others.. I did not think anyone would ever want to marry me or love me. I was too sick. But here I am eating and married. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone! Being sick hurts but you are still you inside. God is going to work through you. My work has to be with being ill and trying to find the precious inspiration in the mess of that. Because giving up hope is never an option. God will always be there for you! No matter how little or strong you think you are. He is there letting us learn and grow into the divine eternal beings we are. So we can come home to him again perfectly. Do not let your trial ruin you for it is the beauty of faith that builds you up. You are stronger then you believe! We humans can do anything through God and his ever-loving faith. Broken my body may be, but my soul is full of gratitude and thanksgiving for the simplicity of happiness life truly brings. Hug your loved ones extra tight, dance in the rain, smile through the pain, and never loose your hope and your divine sparkle! (I am back!!) -Chelle
No comments:
Post a Comment