I do not know what to say, but I'm ready to talk.

I made it to 27...

For the first time I find myself crippled. I do not know what to tell my readers after this year of trauma. I am hurt but I am healing. God is with me every single step of the way. But I've needed time to be alone and deal with the massive changes in my life. I have been in more pain this year then I've ever experienced. I have more fears and trauma to deal with then ever. BUT Heavenly Father is speaking to me strongly and I will get better. He wants me to put faith in front of fears. And though I feel like I only have negativity to share right now or depression.... I know I have so much more. I was stripped to the core this year but I am gonna make it. And if I can make it through almost dying a horrible death, turning it around and healing a brain Injury, healing from the trauma of not only loosing my physical self but not being recognizable for months. Then you too can make it through your trials. I am not the same but I am SO much more then my physical appearances and my physical abilities. God gave me the chance at life for the what 4th time?
Something I have not spoken about is when I was in the hospital in January 19. The month I do not remeber. Heavenly Father did give me the option to fade away and come home or to stay but it would he hard.  And all I could think of was my family and my sweet husband I had just married two months prior. I didn't have to think. I was staying. AMD my sweet grandparents particularly my Grandma Pearl has spent a lot of visits with me. When I needed it most. She told me I did not have to be so brave during my last conversation with her about life right before she passed. And when I feel not so brave and tired. I know she is there for me.
 And I want to make it count. I can feel God's hand working on me in my life right now though things are still pretty hard. God loves us each and every one. No matter what. No matter how broken. No matter how mangled. No matter how soiled. He will ALWAYS love us. And at any.moment in time if we reach out to him, he will be there reaching out to us. My favorite scripture quote is D&C 84:88 and I have had heavenly father at my right side, and my left. His spirit has been in my broken heart. And definently mine Angels here on earth and the other side of the veil have round about me to bear me up. Make no mistake. Heart ache took over and physical pain and anguish but Chelle has hope. I am making progress. It is not in my impatient time line it is in HIS patient time line. And that's been a trial. Some times I just think to myself, "if only I was more patient maybe I wouldn't have to go through these trials." Lol. No matter how distant we feel we can come back home in a heart beat. I promise these things humbly in the name of jesus christ amen. -Chelle

I am loving this song right now. I just found it tonight how oh so fitting!! https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=pmPNUvQmexo