One of the hardest parts of being chronically ill is comparing yourself to others. We all do it but when you don't function at a regular level, it's hard. I want more then anything in the world to be "normal" again. To be the old me. Yes I've grown and I've been blessed beyond blessed. I've seen things and know things about the other side of the veil that I wouldn't without my trials. I have a faith that is bigger then my fears. And that took time and being extremely ill. At times faith is all I had to grasp to. Day to day I didn't know where I was or what was happening to me. I literally lost my mind just six short months ago. But I didn't really. My brain was under attack by my immune system. But Satan was using this to his advantages. Doctors deemed me crazy and treated me like less then a human being. Some knew I was dying and simply turned their cheeks. All the while I shit down and suffered severely. My family suffered severely. It was a very dark time. I was close to that veil again. And let me promise you Heavenly Father knows your afflictions. He knows your pain. He knows your sorrows and your heartaches. And at times it's a year of faith to rest in him, to truly trust in him. Like when you completly start to seizure, hallucinate, go cray cray, and then go catatonic and almost con arose. When you constantly don't know where you are or what's being done to you. I'm glad I don't remember and have permanent memory loss. But I do know that I was surrounded by angels and my Heavenly Father's love for me at that time was fierce. And in this nasty recovery of side effects from such high doses of steroids that I couldn't even recognize myself in a mirror competent swollen in so many ways head to toe. Covers in rashes that hurt. Being completely isolated because of lack of immunity. Idk completly why I had to nearly die, and recover from this nasty terrible disease after ALL I've been through already. And many tears have been shed. But what I do know is my Heavenly Father loves me enough to let the storms come. He lets them mold me and challenge me past my limits. He challenges my loved ones. And sometimes that breaks my heart as I feel so helpless to them all in those trenches of physical war. But don't give up no matter how afraid, tired, and just completely insanely bullied or isolated you may feel. No matter how
Many normal people you see pass you by when it took you a week to get out of the house and stand next to these normies. The overwhelming feeling and grieving of missing the old you will hit in these moments. But don't let Satan win. Be the stronger one and see all the good. Remember just how hard you worked to get to this vey moment. Even if it's gut wrenching and hard. God is there I promise and the afterlife is so going to be worth all the heck we go through here on earth. -Chelle
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