Christmas to do list thoughts.

I have gone so far out of my way to enjoy this Christmas season. Doing  little things like planning  far ahead, getting my 'to do's' done early, putting my tree up before Thanksgiving so I could enjoy the holidays. And if you're chronically ill, I highly suggest it. It helped me be able to relax and enjoy the true meaning  of christmas.

Today started out really great. The weather was beautiful and sunny. I felt decent and bright.

One big way I know christmas prepping has been working for me is, today... I shopped for a few hours  and made cheese ball all night. Two extremely hard things to do for me. STANDING. Ugh my worst enemy with POTS. After a month of no insomnia. I am having insomnia, I've been having  severe signs tonight that my body has been pushed past it's point. And the hard part is, I truly did not do very much. It makes my heart hurt in so many levels to feel so fragile all the time. To not be able to do what I want or even what I need. You NEVER think it will happen to you, untill it does. (And then it is too late.)  So I am bumping some of my plans and adding in more rest time. Feeling down about this I prayed. I out my heart out and I got a return message, "it is going to take another year." I am turning back into myself again slowly but surely. But I have to be oh so careful. It's not just my health anymore it's life or death. If I flare up I can die now. And that's a burden of it's own to carry.

 But when I put all those worries and thoughts in my head aside, and listen to heavenly father I know that's my road map. It is okay to go slow. It is okay to put your tree up and wrap your presents a month early. So you can watch christmas movies and feel the spirit of Christ in your home and life during december. It is okay to go easier then normal this year. (Or than you want.)

I truly really had christmas hyped up in my head this year because it was the very last time I felt like me before I " woke up a completely different person" I have been trying to navigate a whole new world this year and I've desperately been searching for myself within the rubble. But I know heavenly father is molding me as much as I don't honestly want to be right now. It is painful physically and mentally. And I've been mad, sad, and weepy for a year. A part of me knows it is time to move forward and start excepting the new me. As much as I do not want to. So i told myself Christmas was my goal to get back to my normal and when that did not quite happen i decided to have a great Christmas to celebrate the year I've endured. I really wanted to feel the spirit of Christmas. And I have.

 Some times we have to have heartaches in life. We know I am no stranger to this. I've been fighting trials unfathomable for many years. This one just took the cake is all. But Jesus has atoned for our sins and felt all of our pain. He has compassion for all of our sufferings here on earth. How special is that?  Christmas is not about the hustle and bustle and pushing ourselves into our sick beds. I realized this tonight. I am sad that going grocery shopping and making cheese spread over did my poor body but I am happy for prospective on my life. A glimpse, a pure tender mercy that it is going to be okay again. That in a year I very well may have my normal back. And now it is time to start moving forward with a new normal. God will redirect us in life. He will change plans. But I can attest that every time he has changed my plans something better has been in store. Heavenly father isn't hurting me, he is blessing me. Because I am way too stubborn to do it on my own. I am very excited to see what 2020 has in store. I feel there will be blessings in store.

 Speaking of what 2019 had in store and blessings. We  could have never prepared for the storm of autoimmune encephalitis that almost took my life, and shut down my whole body last year. What a trauma to me and my whole family. The other night me and husband where talking over the crazy beyond crazy year, and he said. "With everything we have been the lucky ones." At first I wanted to smack him until I realized what he was telling me. Things were bad. But they could have been so much worse. I received so many blessings this year. I could very well be dead. I could also be a vegetable. What a huge blessing. What more could I ask for this year? The biggest blessings I had in front of my eyes, and I could not even see them. Huge blessings in my life. Thankful for husband to point these things out to me in my down times.
We do not need to stress and worry. We need to just enjoy our lives and our precious families.
The lord will give us opportunity this coming new year in all aspects of our lives and the savior will direct us and comfort us along the way. Much love and a merry christmas -Chelle