Oh So Good

Tonight is a quiet night in my house. Just me and the puppers curled up on the couch with the heating pad. Endometriosis is still not my friend. 

So I have been reflecting on my week and I have been blessed in so many ways. I feel lucky with simplicity. I had a fun weekend though it has left me physically drained. I feel like me more and more as time passes. 

I actually wanted to go to the store and buy clothes again. I am having enough energy thanks to tube feeding to get up and get ready. To live. Tube feeding is truly a blessing in my life. There are moments when I struggle because it is obvious to me that my brain is not the same from my autoimmune encephalitis. But then there are times I feel I am healing. IVIG is becoming the normal and  no longer something to grieve. A day or two a week of crumminess is worth feeling better. (Now that I can see the results.) I did get exposed to a cold today so feeling very nervous about this. I pray one of my many IVIG donors have had this strain and I will be protected. It is in God's hands and I choose to rest in that. 

Something that is comforting to me with my new crazy hair is hats. I used to feel bald but now that the hair is growing back it is just wild. It sticks up all over. So I wear hats. It is cold out so hats are comforting. Baby steps. That is my advice when coming out of your cocoon. Baby steps and faith in God's timing because it's not meant to be done in yours. Allow yourself to grieve and heal. Have patience with yourself and pray often -Chelle 

Will You be My Valentine?

Valentines day was a blessed day for me. I got to get out of the house and just enjoy being happy with my husband. Truly simply happy. We went to dinner at a local restaurant the night before and went and bought valentines after. Husband is so sweet he went to the store (his own idea) and instead of buying me flowers... boy did he buy me flowers.

He bought two bouquets of Roses and several other pink flowers to go with it. Then he came home and took the time to sit patiently and cut them all and arrange them in a vase until it met his standards. He is so truly sweet hearted some times I can't get over it. My clothes still do not really fit and I haven't wanted to buy more so I kinda felt sad getting ready. But I chose happy. I chose this and because of this I was. I had the best time I have had in forever. And a stranger even stopped to tell me how cute my outfit was. However I think I was merely beaming full of the love my husband holds for me. Maybe I won't ever look the same but I am still me. And I am still loved. We are all more then our physical selfs. Let joy come in. Let beauty be on the inside.

Today our community has endured another tragedy. A local Law enforcement officer was killed in the line of duty early this morning. My heart aches and goes out to this family, along with my sincerest prayers. Some one else endured my worst nightmare. Today I hold a heavy but very grateful  heart that that could have been mine. I pray you all join me in prayers for this officer's family in their time of need. 

On the health end things are the same. I just completed ivig for the week. If I miss a feeding replacement feed my body burns. No matter how much I eat. Which points to malabsorption of solid foods. So working on this. I have started testing with a naturopathic doctor and will keep you updated. I sent a hair sample off to the lab to be tested. Maybe it will offer some releif and more healthy days to come. 

           

P.S .    I love that we are goofy    -Chelle 

I do not know what to say, but I'm ready to talk.

I made it to 27...

For the first time I find myself crippled. I do not know what to tell my readers after this year of trauma. I am hurt but I am healing. God is with me every single step of the way. But I've needed time to be alone and deal with the massive changes in my life. I have been in more pain this year then I've ever experienced. I have more fears and trauma to deal with then ever. BUT Heavenly Father is speaking to me strongly and I will get better. He wants me to put faith in front of fears. And though I feel like I only have negativity to share right now or depression.... I know I have so much more. I was stripped to the core this year but I am gonna make it. And if I can make it through almost dying a horrible death, turning it around and healing a brain Injury, healing from the trauma of not only loosing my physical self but not being recognizable for months. Then you too can make it through your trials. I am not the same but I am SO much more then my physical appearances and my physical abilities. God gave me the chance at life for the what 4th time?
Something I have not spoken about is when I was in the hospital in January 19. The month I do not remeber. Heavenly Father did give me the option to fade away and come home or to stay but it would he hard.  And all I could think of was my family and my sweet husband I had just married two months prior. I didn't have to think. I was staying. AMD my sweet grandparents particularly my Grandma Pearl has spent a lot of visits with me. When I needed it most. She told me I did not have to be so brave during my last conversation with her about life right before she passed. And when I feel not so brave and tired. I know she is there for me.
 And I want to make it count. I can feel God's hand working on me in my life right now though things are still pretty hard. God loves us each and every one. No matter what. No matter how broken. No matter how mangled. No matter how soiled. He will ALWAYS love us. And at any.moment in time if we reach out to him, he will be there reaching out to us. My favorite scripture quote is D&C 84:88 and I have had heavenly father at my right side, and my left. His spirit has been in my broken heart. And definently mine Angels here on earth and the other side of the veil have round about me to bear me up. Make no mistake. Heart ache took over and physical pain and anguish but Chelle has hope. I am making progress. It is not in my impatient time line it is in HIS patient time line. And that's been a trial. Some times I just think to myself, "if only I was more patient maybe I wouldn't have to go through these trials." Lol. No matter how distant we feel we can come back home in a heart beat. I promise these things humbly in the name of jesus christ amen. -Chelle

I am loving this song right now. I just found it tonight how oh so fitting!! https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=pmPNUvQmexo