Monday, March 31, 2014

Happy First day of April !!!

As today starts a new month it also starts a new beginning and closes another chapter of life. I am looking forward to General Conference this coming weekend! Ready to hear from our wonderful living profit Thomas S Monson whom I am so very thankful for! BUT before conference I have to face a battle but I know I will not be alone... I must have a neurology consult at Mayo this Friday and it is a brand new doctor and I find out my nervous system test results which is very scary for me! I am doing my best to have strong faith and know that whatever the outcome its my heavenly father's plan for me... Their is a reason  to my being ill and it is to better me in ways being healthy obviously can't. I will continue to pray for healing as I believe in miracles too. Heavenly Father has been by my side since day one fighting my fight to stay alive after being born 3 months early... Doctors didn't give my parents any hope that I would live but look I am here so it must be for a reason!! It's a miracle I am here and that I had only lung problems from being a premature baby. I have beaten death once so maybe I will be able to soon say I beat death and I was miraculously healed twice in my life. God has a plan for me and I know it... trials are the biggest blessings in life this I know from the bottom of my heart... if you are struggling with a trial or if you are sick ... you are NOT alone! I am here with you and I pray for you every  night it will be okay just trust in God. I know that is easier said then done sometimes but reach down deep and get your fight out of your pocket because you are amazingly strong and you can do anything with God anything is possible! You are loved by your father in heaven and I will be your friend and keep sharing my story, my testimonies of this church , my knowledge and try to offer support! xoxo Choose to be even just a spec of light in this world and you will Glow so brightly!
My mother gave me this ring years ago when I was sick and she knew I needed a reminder it says, "Love Life." and in the inside it says, "Be Brave" Love this ring so much! Thanks mom <3
I share this with you to be your little reminder to love life and to be brave because you are so wonderful and you are so deserving of a beautiful life <3

Ta Da!... General Women's Meeting

TA DA! our floors are finally finished (minus the trim) can you believe my mom and my sister did this all on their own!!! they didn't even know how to use a saw of any kind when they started a friend came and layed the first 2 rows to show them how and they pulled it off didn't even have any mess up scraps! super impressive! Women are amazing! speaking of this did you watch the General Women's Meeting??...

I streamed the General Women's Meeting and have to say it was very helpful for me... I loved how they talked about how women have a purpose and we can all come together and do amazing things because this is such a beautiful truth! My most favorite part was when they spoke on judging one another because I simply try working on that all the time and remind myself I do not know what i'd do if I were that person because no two people can feel the same and you truly don't know what you are up against... for example several times I have been told if I were more positive I would not be ill... this I know is not true and I feel I run  into this a lot because of my young age... most don't simply understand they still have their invincibility... & I always remind myself they have no clue what it is like to be ill stricken like myself and they are trying to help. I also loved how they mentioned no judging ourselves because I won't lie I am my own worst critic and I hate it but since I have become aware I am  working on that too... I love how such meetings as General Women's Meeting and General Conference feel like they are speaking to me just me haha and I think the fact they touch on these subjects show how I am not the only one their must be several... God is good <3  Henry B. Eyring spoke about how God Loves his daughters, Because he loves you, he will provide the help that you need to move you and others upwards in his presence & how he knew that our savior paid the price for all of thy sins... now that is probably not a perfect quote for I could not write that fast but you get the jest...  I am SO  looking forward to general conference
This link below is where you can watch The General Women's Conference:
lang=eng ..... you can view General Conference Sat, and Sun. at

Friday, March 28, 2014

Naughty dog that runs away... end up in "puppy jail"

Today the construction continues... leaving people going in and out if the house... Mr. Wrecker was good all day yesterday and today... until about thrity minutes ago. He Ran out that door didn't choose to listen and ran away literally ... wouldn't come to me or my mom and go out to a main road.... followed by properties and openness where other larger animals live... gave me a heart attack!
This is what happens to little dogs who are naughty they have a long time out in their kennels and a long lecture from me followed by a bunch of bad dog! He has to stay in their now unhappily because unfortunately he can not be trusted to stay or listen...
look at this cute I am innocent nose and face..."but I don't belong in puppy jail"-Mr. Wrecker the dog.
(kinda weird picture idk what my camera is set on made his nose and eyes look funky)
I love you Wrecker is for your own good!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Reality of a living trauma

this is what my night looks like ...
tens unit(a pain signal mixer upper device) , and my heating pad.... this is my reality of having and living through a technical trauma case to my pelvis. The pain lingers and is the pain I hate out of any bodily pain...My pelvis hurts worse than any other part on my body regularly and I think pelvic pain is the hardest to treat at least on the list of the top hardest to treat! but when I spend times like this in pain and the reality hits I get frustrated and my heart starts to hurt as that reality sets in... tonight I had that moment set in deep and I started to cry... then I looked over and saw my physical therapy supplies (my foam roller and yoga mat and band) that just happened to be in my room due to the living room construction where they normally stay. then I had a peaceful feeling I know was my heavenly father reminding me that it is okay and will be okay... I have come a long ways but have such a long ways to go and I know my father in heaven is understanding of how I feel when I feel hopless and like my life has been thrown in the dirt. I can't go to work or school not even part time my pelvis just doesn't hold up nor my health in general... but I have had other blessings from this trial I would NEVER return and as weak as I feel, I know I am and can be strong. Everything will be okay maybe not how I planned but okay. My redeemer lives and he is with me through my best and worst of times. We can all choose to keep going no matter how rough or impossible things might seem in  any situation. you can choose to turn to god and he will be there with opened loving arms, no matter what. I know I am blessed I know this is a blessing!

Marks on the world... OR maybe just the house

Last night me and my sister Chelsey got the opportunity to write on the house we grew up in with out getting into trouble... My mother and sister are laying laminate flooring and when they got the carpet up I thought hey we should write something down here haha so we did.... my sister didn't want marker on her hand so it looks like the "hamburger helper hand" and I thought it was a good way to tell someone maybe one day in the future that god loves them :) After all my mom is doing this on her own and everyone keeps asking if she is mad at my dad and when she said no to my grandma (her mom) she replied, "well it makes it easier." So maybe a future wife will be upset and tearing the house apart one day and will need a little reminder of God and his love for us. Anyways... it made good memories!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Mental Health.

good morning folks! I write today about counseling... Have you ever seen a psychologist or psychiatrist? I am right now and I have to say I think it is a very good thing. Being sick has been quite the trail these past 7 years and has brought to me much anxiety and just kinda beaten me up. My brain even retrained itself and now I have Panic Disorder ( a curable condition)  But I am not going to be ashamed we are all human and no one is perfect...though I do encourage counseling if you are struggling with something hard or just having a hard time mentally. There is no shame in getting help if you need it and their is no shame in admitting you need help! Elder Jeffery R Holland gives a wonderful talk on the subject Like A Broken Vessel. I suggest you if haven't before click the link below and listen to the beautiful talk ... it may just make you're hurting heart and spinning head feel better :) WE ALL STRUGLE. it is really okay. Elder Holland even talks of his own personal time of struggle. He also talks of Stephanie Nielson...she is incredible! Some of my favorite parts of the talk are:
 "So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those who you love? Above all never loose faith in your Father in heaven who loves you more than you can comprehend ."
"if things continue to be debilitating seek professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had an appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders our Father in heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts he has provided in this glorious dispensation."
" Broken minds can be healed just the way broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful , and kind"

I know trials are hard... I too have had many being sick my hardest... but I keep my redeemer's love in my heart and when times are dark I pray... even when I feel it's hard to pray and those times I feel upset because things "aren't MY way" I still pray he hears me, he knows my sufferings, he is kind and gracious and most of all my father in heaven loves me very much as Elder Holland spoke, He also knows more than ourselves what is best for us in this life. This I know don't let fear of help get in the way... you are strong, with God all things are possible such as healings! Our father in heaven wants us to seek medical mental health just as you would a "broken leg" or anything else.  He loves you I love you. Never be ashamed in fact I suggest stand tall and be proud you are strong enough to get help and that you are not a quitter and you are amazing and wonderful more than you could possibly know. And if you love someone with any mental agonizing... be there. Be their support. Be their friend. Love them with your whole heart for you are needed. God gives us each other to help support and love each other. and I am just throwing this in because I feel the world always needs a reminder as well as myself.... say kind words always. Hurtful words stick and spread darkness, hatred,& evils. Be that spec of light in this big old world! Lifting someone's spirits usually result in lifting your own I have found.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

My tuesday today...

today has been an typical day except I got very sick to my stomach this morning and threw up gross! I am sure it's the Imuran I take for my LP (Lichen Planus) and the funny thing is my roof of my mouth is covered in painful rough start to a rough day but good things are happening in our life my mom has a week off work and is ripping up our old ugly stinky carpets and laying laminate floors.... No she has no clue what she is doing and my sister is helping and talked her into it haha it's been quite interesting I will post before and afters when they finish...Me? oh I am the boss haha who lays around and watches I don't really tell them what to do (like I know haha) wish us luck we need all of it!! (wink wink)

Monday, March 24, 2014

I forgot it was Monday!! my feelings on pain...

I apologize for my post being so late in the day...I forgot it was Monday!! oops! So I have been in pain for well years but these past few days have been hard on me and I decided to write about how I felt last night because pain is so deeply twisted and mangled into every single part of my life:
this is what I wrote..... I wrote this in a lighter funny mood (not so literal). but the pain I was feeling and how it effects my life is a true anchor to this....

Pain can hurt deep and pain can shoot out
pain can hurt me til' I scream and shout
pain can be strong and pain can be weak, pain can come down clear to my feet
Pain can come when I'm in or I'm out pain can put me flat on the couch
pain can be mean and pain can be cruel pain can even take control
pain can push limits or boundaries you see
 pain can come and even take me.
Take me from you
and take me from them
Pain is a robber to all of my friends
Pain can be sneaky and crouch down low then jump high when I think I have control
Pain can get deep inside of my head
And keep me up all night though I'm in bed
When thoughts are being made in my little brain, that tiny thought shop goes and never ends
Pain breaks into my shop of thoughts and puts all those thoughts to a stop.
Pain is the problem, a bully you see
Pain is very much against me and my dreams
Pain even hi-jacks my plans no matter what
Even when I set to vacation a plan to just sail away
on a big cruise ship
a party all day
Pain comes with me like a big sting ray
Some days pains airy and light, some days pain is thunder and rain
Some days pain drives me insane
The pain in my head and the pain in my heart
Don't worry that's just a start
it moves through my body like a speedy race car
Pain even leaves a scar
The pills I take are never too far
but they always stay in their jar
Pain can do anything can't you see
Pain can even take the me out of me
So pain I will fight even my weakest of days
for I am a fighter who always prays.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Lovely dear Friends, I was fatigued today

Yesterday I received a card/letter from a dear friend I have had since high school. You know one of those friends you might not talk to for six months but the second you do it's like nothing changed & you're best friends still...This made my day!! In the crazy life I lead things like this lift my spirits even higher when they are hi. and back up when they are low. Love it and am thankful for my great friend!!
....& this is me today I had a rough day today felt like I got hit by a bus... but I still feel things can get better and will (that's my newer attitude, look up not down) but I am glad I feel like I do not always have to wear makeup... this is a very important fact: beauty is always from the inside of your heart!!
 I got my hair in a French braid ... this makes me happy...hairs are growing longer!! you can call me Rapunzel lol (I know I am far away from that name haha) I have a new favorite song... I know you care, by Ellie Goulding...makes my heart feel full when I listen! God is listening to me. I can feel it things are okay!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Little Big Victories

I will point out what is wrong with my posture here and why... first I would hunch over like you can see above. My body did this to try to escape pain and I would hunch over and it would shorten my abdomen muscles... It took a lot of time and a lot of therapy to re-stretch those muscles and then strengthen them to support my body again... then I would push my hips outward and lock my knees (kinda hard to see with a dress) but it was another thing due to pain and my pelvic floor tension myalgia. I still have to constantly be thinking of not locking my knees and standing up straight. your pelvic muscles are connected to your abdomen muscles, hip muscles, and even legs's a lot of muscle that are affected at this stage and this photo was 1 year after I started physical therapy so you can imagine how I was before... crazy!

in this photo is my beautiful momma and my gorgeous sister<3
This picture was taken late July of 2013... If you look I stand with horrible posture... I couldn't hold myself up well due to chronic pelvic floor tension myalgia... Your pelvis is your core.I still have times when I stand like this but they are getting more and more less often...These pictures I run across for I have many of them some even worse I get sick to my stomach... I looked awful I can see the sickness within me I'm sure others can't because they are not me they don't remember how I felt that day...This was even a good day in this picture... Things like this where I can look back and see the progress it is a little big victory as I call it, Most people do not even think about standing... I do I still do to this very second. I used to not be able to walk even I would collapse on my face and it was very frightening... but something as little as improved posture warms my heart with gratitude, faith, and so so much happiness... It's more than improved posture! I feel like I just won a marathon... And I did!! much further to go but I have come this far I can continue <3
This is me yesterday see so  much not hunching much straighter and even!

Happy First Day of Spring...Allergy sufferer tip

Hi! Happy first day of spring!! I hope you all can enjoy the day...I am a huge allergy sufferer and have been my whole life I have allergy induced asthma, which means normal asthma triggers trigger my asthma as well as allergens trigger my asthma... I have learned a few things...

*Tips for allergy sufferers:

Eat pineapple or even drink pineapple juice for a sore throat. This is  a natural antihistamine and my whole family uses this trick... it works very well!!

This is one of mine I just started a few years ago, Wear big sunglasses on windy days it protects your eyes like a little shield and keeps A. the wind from drying them out/irritating. & B. keeps allergens out that are in the air.

Take a 24 hour allergy medication instead of something you have to take more often like Benadryl that will make you sleepy...and if you don't know of a 24 hour allergy medication you take once a's some names... Allegra, Claritin, or zyretec

 I take a non drowsy medication in the afternoon or in the morning because they tend to keep me up at night if I take them at night.

if it's a high allergy day outside...lots of pollen ect. just stay indoors that day as much as possible that will help!

warm wash cloth on eyes when wake up and they are puffy or even cold which ever you prefer ... like warm then cold.

use a humidifier at night or take a shower or bath even... if feeling dry or congested use a humidifier at night...if you have asthma use a warm one and if not use a cold one...asthma users cold constricts airways... that's why you should use warm.

I tend to dust more, wash sheets, groom pets, try to cut down on indoor allergen triggers.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What hangs on my wall & why it is so important....

I stumbled upon this little baby at the perfect time. My heart has been full every since I eyed this in my scriptures.... "Fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." I have been having a lot of anxiety while I start to see a new group of specialist and they run test and I start to feel like I am drowning in my fear that I am going to be sick forever and no one will be able to help me...or worse that I will get worse and there will be no help medically... which leads to the worry of death... I usually don't worry of death for I have been ill way too long if it was going to kill me I'd be dead already. These fears consume me some days and eat me up in side like a three course meal. But I continually pray and I kept getting the feeling to just keep going. Move forward and the rest will come and work out... I know that's Jesus Christ answering my prayers...he is there, comforting my aching scared heart! I will focus on what God can do... What God can do? Miracles.... simply miracles... I will keep moving forward even blindfolded for I do not know where I am going the path is bumpy but it's a trial that is molding me into a better me...Shaping Chelle into her best <3 Moments of realization of the love God has for me fills my heart and I feel like nothing can touch me! Even if it does my great God is there for protection, help, & endless guidance...

Stephanie March Article I'm sharing in honor of Endometriosis Awarness month!...

Stephanie March puts it exactly how I feel... knowledge of these diseases are crucial and need to be basic knowledge for women...THIS IS WHY I SHARE MY AKWARD STORIES/FACTS ABOUT MY WOJMEN'S HEALTH CONDITIONS...IT NEEDS TO BE KNOWN ABOUT AND TALKED ABOUT AND MOST INMPORTANTLY RESEARCHED AND WOMEN NEED MORE OPTIONS!!!PLEASE READ...

My Endometriosis Story. Endometriosis Awarness week 3...

this is probably PG 13*
Here is my Endometriosis Story:
                        (this is the sort of shortened version because 7 yrs. is a long time and we would be reading this for days)
I had a diagnosis of an Ovarian cyst at age 14. I had always had awful pain and heavy periods but was told it was normal and didn't think anything of it. After the Cyst on my ovary I was in pain. This resulted in me seeing a Gyn. This doctor was awful to me and he told me a transvaginal ultrasound would give me a diagnosis of Endometriosis... I am extremely petite and I was 14 hello! but we did it because the doctor said it would diagnosis me... We (my mother and I) knew nothing of endometriosis. so of course we bought the lie. FYI there is no test for Endometriosis you must undergo a laparoscopy to be diagnosed. (my mother had, had Endometriosis, she just didn't know it at the time) So swiftly I stopped seeing him for it was traumatizing the young 14 year old me... and Endometriosis scared me because I wanted to have kids one day and everything at that time you could find on the internet basically said you would be infertile and their was nothing to cure it. After this I saw several gyns. One even did surgery and I got a diagnosis of Endometriosis at age 15... they put me on birth control and I had a ton of problems that I was told were "in my head" or I was "dramatic" and my favorite "crazy or depressed". I even believe those things at one time. This was after my diagnosis of Endometriosis. I thought being diagnosed would get me out of the "dramatic/Crazy" my surprise it did not. I fought for myself for years and after my surgery suffered from vulva answers for this either... I was constantly being told by doctors that I had no options left...their was nothing I could do. I eventually saw Dr. Joseph Brooks in Phoenix AZ. When I was 19 years old...5 years of grief...The first thing he said to me was, "you are not crazy" He diagnosed me with vestibulitis...LADIES THIS IS IMPORTANT...birth control pills can cause this vulvar is a lack of estrogen in the vulva tissues which created major problems! (this doctor has studies of proof) So off birth control pills I went.. (they never worked for me well anyways in fact if I knew they could cause such a horrendous side effect I'd thrown them in the trash years before) then shortly later got diagnosed with Lichen Planus... I was so not crazy (you know your body ladies!) Then he referred me to Dr. Hibner at St. Joseph's pelvic pain and gynecology...I saw the P.A. and she suggest I saw Dr. Desai instead because her surgery schedule was lighter then Dr. Hibner's. So I agreed and met her that day...The first thing she said to me was, "Endometriosis is no excuse to live in pain." She was so kind and took my pain very seriously. She diagnosed me with pelvic floor tension bad it was to the equivalent of me getting my pelvis crushed in a roll over accident(except I was not in an accident and I had no broken bones) I had pelvis floor tension myalgia to the worst extent you could get it... Since I lived in pain... pelvic floor tension myalgia was the result of the constant pain I was living in...  I was collapsing due to these spasms and functioning at 0%.and the pain was AWFUL I can not even describe its level to this day. She scheduled my surgery on a Saturday just so I could get in faster and so I could have another surgery at the same time with a different doctor... She was in surgery for 3 hours she clipped the nerve to my uterus (with my permission) to relive cramps... and she did something I had never heard of before she took biopsies in places endometriosis grows... you could not see my endometriosis but it was their all over just microscopically. She found one lesion that was visible to her surprise...(before surgery she warned me that we would more than likely have to do a bowel resection because my pain was so high I had to have severe endometriosis) I did not have severe endometriosis. (blessing) & that fact could change anytime really, but I did have it and It was causing me pain and surgery was a big help...she decided most my pain was from pelvic floor tension myalgia...2 years later... I know that was my biggest problem and am thankful for these doctors because without them I'd still be in such a strong amount of pain and I would not know why because probably 98 percent of gynecologist do not know what pelvic floor spasms are or they just deny their existence. I have been in physical therapy for my pelvis for 1 year and 9 months. I am so much better than before but know I still have a ways to go... and that surgery will always be in my future but These doctors cared about me and cared to help me even on their own time... That's a true doctor they do studies too and help teach... They care and the specialty is like a specialist of a specialist! I am so very thankful for them! & feel safe in their care. 
Here's links to pelvic pain specialists...They are located in Pheonix, AZ. I see Dr Desai and I know Dr. Hibner is awesome too! I have truly been all over seeing different gynecologists...This team knows much more about the pelvis and pelvic pain and I will never let another doctor/surgeon touch me for my Endometriosis and pelvic pain ever again! These are my people they have helped me so much! Check them out!! I wish every woman with Pelvic Pain could see them! That's how amazing they truly are!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Such a good movie...Had to give it a blog!

Now is Good is a very movie!! I just finished watching it I was listening to Ellie Goulding and I saw a clip of the movie... I was intrigued and had to watch...I give it two thumbs up!! Warning it is a tear jerker... but totally worth it and good! Here is the link to ...,d.cGU

p.s. got the picture off google I do not own it...

Happy St. Patrick's day!!

Happy St. pattys day!! I hope you all have good luck....I sure have today...Doctor called about my GFR levels and he said they are normal and doesn't know why it was flagged as abnormal...hip hip hoorah!! That Is very good news....Happy St. Patrick's day from Mr. Wrecker & I <3

I made green chocolate chip cookies and green milk in honor of St. Patrick's Day (It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact I wanted chocolate chip cookies at all!! ) There is a story behind my baking, I used to be a baking queen my family called my betty Crocker... My whole life it was something I had enjoyed doing. When I got sick the simplest things became hard and I could hardly do much of anything with out help... I used to bake with out a kitchen aide now I could not do it with out it my body is weak and my joints, bones, & muscles hurt. In fact sometimes I just can't do things... So today as I made these cookies (with my mixer, instead of my hand) I am super proud ... I just did something I wouldn't of been able to do a year ago and probably less time than that. My biggest goal to meet out of recovery would be to run again... I was actually quiet active before things got so bad & I just keep longing for that day to come...The simplest things in life are the things we take for granted until we no longer have them...Today I will count my blessings as beautiful as they are...I may not be the average 21 year old... but all the things I have missed out on are the price I paid to have this wonderful, different outlook on life...I know how important the little things are. I know the things that really matter in life such as my love for god and his son Jesus Christ, my faith, my family, & all the ones I love... life isn't about who wears the best clothes or who is the richest, or if someone does something better than you. Those things don't matter what matters is if you are happy being you...we all grow at different rates. I am very thankful for my hard times as odd as that may sound because (here comes my mantra) The hardest trials in life bring the biggest blessings! I may not love this frustrating new life all the time but in these moments of realization I do I love it very much even as hard as it is <3

My dress has green in it and my eyeshadow is green too...So no one better pinch me today!
Mr. Wrecker looks a little concerned haha

Friday, March 14, 2014

Mr. Wrecker's before & after

This is Wrecker's before and after of his grooming today... my poor dog is so worn out but he will be happy when it's warm outside and he isn't burning up :)

Mr. Wrecker before
 Mr. Wrecker after...very tired...

Friday, Friday! Goldfish Anonymous... Mr. Wrecker gets groomed & I wait on a doctor phone call...

It's Friday!! We just took Mr. Wrecker to the groomers for he was way past due....The weather has been warm so he definitely needed a hair cut... We decided to shave him down even though he isn't as cute that way because he was getting sooo over heated and sick...(he lives indoors so he wont get cold plus he is the blanket king if there is a blanket he is on it) ... I am having an odd day I felt good this morning but this after noon not so much and I'm a little pale... I'm nervous about my recent labwork too I had low GFR I think that's what it is called anyways they were down to 60 and it should be 116 and I found out yesterday that is kidney functions. So I called the doctor who did the order today they did it at Mayo so I don't know what any of this means... praying it isn't serious... something funny I want so badly to know what's wrong but at the same time I don't want to know, it scares me!!
p.s. it rained last night woo hoo!

This is before hair cut*
(I'll post after picture later)
I love love these yellow flower wire earrings <3 had to share! I got them at Blossoms boutique... love that place! The shirt I am wearing is from there too...
I have a serious gold fish addiction going on here... I might have to go to goldfish anonymous... I have a problem... ha ha
have a beautiful weekend, be safe, say kind words, & remember who you are :)

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The sunshine in the storm

You know how it gets cloudy like it might start to rain? The clouds all move in ... Well here the weather is like that today... cloudy but yet the sun still shining through. as I was looking up at the sky I realized that's me! That's what I'm going through right now. That's how I feel right now... in the middle of a storm but that sun is still shining through... Because I am gonna make it! Things might not be where I want them but it can still be okay...right now I am clinging onto my faith to get me through... but I have a strong feeling to just keep moving ...keep going forward. That's what I will do that is what I always do... sometimes are SO much harder then others but if I keep moving forward things will be okay someway somehow because I am putting my trust in the lord. I can't fix my health, he can and he will IF and WHEN the time is right... I know my redeemer loves me and this is a building block in my wall of life. Blessings come from Trials...this I know deep in my heart. So, today started rough but I was going to get up and brush it off and put my make up on do my hair... get dressed. and now I am going to stand tall and keep my chin up! I realized yesterday I keep saying, "oh when I'm better I will do this/that" no Chelle that's a lie to yourself because you do not know when that day will come anyways I realized I have to stop doing that to myself... A.) because it is not fair to myself B.) because I am missing out on life by enabling myself. & C.) I am more than likely loosing opportunity and good memories... I have to choose to embrace this new life! As much as I don't want to and as hard as it is.
Chin up*

My Journal.

So this is the back of my journal ... a lot of good words and quotes cover the back... No you don't get to know what's in it ha ha... it is amazing what a some paper can do for a person! I love my journal this is my very first journal and I have to say it has been good for me... it's a good way to blow off steam, get out all those crazy mixed emotions, and to myself surprisingly a good documentation of what is going on with me and I think in the end it will be an interesting thing to have and look back on... because looking back this past month I even see things differently... it's amazing how we grow in life... we never stop growing & learning ... I think that is one of the greatest gifts in life is the constant need for more knowledge... we are like God's Plato and if we listen I feel we all have the opportunity at any point in our lives to be the amazing molded masterpieces called souls we are planed to be. Journaling is a good thing I can feel it in my gut... I like to document things and this is just another way to do it! Another non-makeup picture you guys probably don't believe my love for it ... I think it is just a part of growing up and being sickly... it's okay not to be perfect ... be imperfect (there is no such thing as perfect anyways and I want to be an original ... I'd hate it if there were duplicates of the same me's). Happy day to you!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Is Spring in the Air??

Hello Mr. Sunshine, you are making my day SO much better... I am having a ME day at home with the dog. We get to be outside today in the beautiful sunny weather. I will admit it makes my heart happy <3
 Sitting on concrete is not as  good as grass but works :) Sandals and brightly painted toe nails mean one thing...spring he he
 This is my bottle of iced tea... This girl loves her some plain iced tea...and putting it in my metal water bottle kept it cold for forever might I add. Oh and a quick ice tea "trick" put a mug of water in the microwave and warm it then put a tea bag in the water...let it set... put ice cubes in your metal water bottle... pour in the hot tea and it will be cold and yummy in minutes!! I love iced tea haha
Ever have a hard week? Take a ME day for yourself or a ME hour or even a few ME minutes... do something you love that is relaxing and will be better for it :)
So in the sake of my ME day I bought myself two lipsticks a lip crayon, and some scentsy squares or whatever you call them.... ( I am a makeup hoarder I love makeup!I love all make up any make up ha ha I may need necessary professional help one day wink wink).

Humpity Hump update

I am having such a hard week with this body of mine! Want to talk about Endometriosis Awareness just come to my house for a few minutes haha I am a wreck...but really all I have wanted to do for days now is scream and run away... Run away from the pain. Run away from the problems... That's not  a possibility for me... I can't run from my body no matter how much I want is there ALWAYS. People used to tell my family I just needed a vacation from everything.... I don't think anyone ever really realized you can't take a break from your body...ever... you go on vacation.... that body is coming with you... Kind, appreciated thoughts just a vacation can't fix this and as of now nothing can... I can pray and hope for healing but feel it just must not be the right time... I will continue to wait... continue to seek the best medical care I can find... continue the fight so that I do not look like this for  days at a time. Beauty is on the inside not the outside I fully agree on this! but it is nice to get your hair and makeup done...not feel so sloppy as I feel right now. But the fact is I am sick right now I have a lot going on and NO I do not have the energy to get myself ready the thought in itself wears me out. yeah getting ready right now  for the day would be like running a marathon that's how my energy level is. I am having a lot of pain and extreme fatigue and I just feel awful. This too shall pass. This suffering is Temporary, I pray. Hump Day! May next week bring joy and all things good to us all <3
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
yes, I am up all night because I can not sleep! oh how much I miss sleeping at night <3
goodnight pain, goodnight the heartache that comes with it, goodnight Endo., goodnight PFTM, goodnight what ever is wrong, see you when the sun comes up!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Emotional Roller Coaster... Only Heaven Can stop

I have been an emotional rollercoaster for days now....up and down...right and and blue... to say the least but I finally feel calm after a ton of prayers and eventually ending in my lack of patience and getting angry... However heavenly Father waits for me to calm down before he sends me comfort and reasoning. I'm certain because when I am angry he knows as well as anyone there is no reasoning haha. Just as a parent waits on a frustrated toddler having a mid day break down. The Lord, my Heavenly Father waits for me to calm down and when I am calm again he comforts me and I can see how great this mess of mine really is in the big picture. I know I am never alone as I have recently blogged about that and my knowledge God is never far... However I tend to freak out when I can't just feel him there and know everything's going to be okay... I think sometimes the teacher has to be silent for the test... we are meant to feel our emotions good and bad they can't always be great and wonderful for what would we ever learn? I am thankful for the patience my father in heaven never seems to run out of... He is my rock when I am weak and forgetful in this case. Even when things don't make sense to us it will be okay... after my tantrum as I would call it and being angry about my sufferings and being ill with no answers as of now as to why....and being so young it is just not fair...I was reminded of Emma Smith and how she had to endure so much in her life time and how strong she was with god by her side and her faith unshakeable. How she never seemed to have an "ordinary day" (I'm sure you have seen that video, if not I'll post a link at the bottom) I want to be that way I want to be strong even with all these crazy things going on... I can choose to be strong and full of in god Chelle it will be okay! This is who I am going to use as my example right now to get through this hard time I am encountering...Emma Smith.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Endometriosis Awarness Week 2

 Get the ENDOMETRIOSIS FACTS...Watch this it is my very favorite explanation of Endometriosis... Have shown to many confused family members... Endometriosis is very confusing to grasp for some... like the fact that if surgery doesn't cure it? Why have the surgery? and how does endo. grow? What is that long word I can't pronounce? lol the list goes on and on ... if you have endometriosis you know what I am talking about and if you don't know what Endometriosis is GET INFROMED...THIS IS VERY IMPOPTANT KNOWLEDGE FOR EVERYONE...
Here's links to pelvic pain specialists...They are located in Pheonix, AZ. I see Dr Desai and I know Dr. Hibner is awesome too! I have truly been all over seeing different gynecologists...This team knows much more about the pelvis and pelvic pain and I will never let another doctor/surgeon touch me for my Endometriosis and pelvic pain ever again! These are my people they have helped me so much! Check them out!! I wish every woman with Pelvic Pain could see them! That's how amazing they truly are!

Horrible Weekend...Happy Monday...New Week

I don't have anything cool to blog or chat about today.... So I will do an update, I had my test done Friday morning for my nervous system. That consisted of what I think was nerve stimulation, lots of blood pressure being taken, and heart rate was very monitored...oh and  they started the test with a  sweat test... Friday night I was pretty sore... Saturday I had pain everywhere and when I say everywhere I mean literally head to toe! Every joint, bone, and muscle... but I was still functioning...Saturday night is what I rate on my bad night scales on a 1-10 ... it was a ten...Sunday I felt HORRIBLE  and hurt the whole day so awful....Sunday night HORRIBLE definitely a ten...Monday morning, woke up feeling sore but overall feel good again...What?! so confusing of course I feel better when it is Monday and the doctors are back in.... but I am very relieved I feel good right now... Wishing I knew what was wrong with me. Some days like this weekend it is so overwhelming and I have a very hard time chocking down the fact that I am so sickly and I have no answers after 7 years and counting. Those days are the worst... when I feel so physically awful I feel that I must be dying and then the mental state goes to worrying about what is wrong. Why can't anyone figure it out, what will it be when they do figure it out, and will it kill me potentially.... Those are my thought cycles it just goes over and over. I even occasionally get jealous of people who have a diagnosis. Why did those people get help and not me and why did it only take them a week or a month and I have been living a night mare for all this time... The only answer I know is I am being made stronger and into a better me... I always say trials are the biggest blessings in the end... but I am human and some days when I am really struggling, it is hard to remember that no matter how often I tell myself... but I know the lord is near and it is in his hands and he will do what is best for me... Taking it day by day I had a bad past few days but today the clouds are lifted the pain is gone and the sun is shinning.... These are the kind of days I pray for...

This is an old picture I refer to. The bracelet I am holding was given to me by my dear cousin and it's what I stand for... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! & always be tough!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

The test went...

Test went well ... will receive results in a month when I have a consult with neurology... Funny fact that happened with my test... I got the wrong paper work in my instructions for the test...this paper work told me I needed to be very well hydrated and feel like I had to pee when I got there... I found this odd but did it anyways drank tons of water the night before and tons of water that morning... I told the lady when she took me back I drank plenty of water for the test...She had a very strange look on her face to my surprise... then she told me that was not a part of this test I was having and asked why I did that... so I showed her my instructions and she looked at them and was totally baffled because this was not suppose to be in my instructions for the test... in fact they make everyone use the restroom before they do the test because you are hooked up to a million things.... They apologized and we had a good laugh... anyways because of this I had to pee sooo incredibly bad during the test I thought I was going to die haha so if you are getting a nervous system test do not drink a ton of water I repeat do not drink a ton of water!!  That was how my test went ... it will be interesting to see what the results are... The odd things that happen in the medical world... hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Autonomic Nervous System Test Tommorrow...

Tomorrow I return to Mayo Clinic for my Autonomic Nervous System Test ... I am super nervous and I am praying that I do not have this!! it scares me! The test will last two hours. I am not sure what it will consist of ... So won't be posting anymore until I get back to my laptop...wish me luck I guess because I do not want this!! I will be my strongest and pray for what I need... It is in the lord's hands

Who Would I be without the me i am now?

I find myself thinking of this long journey I am journeying ... seven and a half years of turmoil, pain, illness, days of depression, days filled with anxiety of the unknown, days of fight, days of doctors & nurses, days of longing, and days of grieving the old you, the person you in this time you so deeply want to find again... in these seven and a half years a lot of things have I been through some good a lot of hardships and trials... it never seemed fair...I'd always find myself asking WHY. WHY ME?...I did not do anything wrong and I did not deserve these awful things that where happening to me whether I liked it or not... But one day I found myself again... I was STILL me... except I was an older much wiser and better me... a me full of thanks for the good times and EVEN the bad ones... if it were not for the trails I have been through so young testing me daily, hourly, every minute, even second... I would simply not be the Michelle I am today... I have such an appreciation for time on this earth, even more for good days, I have come a long way to learn so much, I honestly can't explain all the lessons I have received, besides to say it was god all along helping me, lifting me, molding me into a better me... it seemed dark a lot and lonely but he was there to help me.. I never went family was and still is always there...I am so thankful for this heartache I have carried for years and the trials god has given me...they themselves brought me back to god...I wasn't always so sure about god and the church in all honestly...but let me tell you it didn't take me long to find my way right back home... the place where I I can look back and see this long path I have paved in some very tricky times at a very young age...stone by stone as I grew the path grew...Looking back it wasn't such a heartache as a HUGE blessing in my life... I know what is important in life now... I have such a deeper appreciation for the church in my life and everything that goes on to build me... I may not be an average 21 year old that is for sure but, I am a wonderful young lady who puts god first and has a deeper relationship with god then ever before...It's like I am atop a mountain looking down and I can see so many things that without my trials and being ill and broken down as far as I felt I could possibly be broke down to... I would have no clue about these amazing things! I have missed out on a lot of the "normal things" but I have a pocket full of wonderful mercies, miracles, love, and spiritual confirmations that I am doing what I am suppose to be... I don't have to be average and like everyone else now I have became an original and I am going to take pride in myself and continue to be that original and soak up all life has to give  me. Thank you so much Heavenly father for making me different, making me fight the unfightable, making me braver than I could of ever known. you are my rock, my savior, my love! I will continue down this path as long as you are by my side...and you will be <3


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Physical Therapy

This is my foam roller I  recently have been using to up my physical therapy...what I hate about physical therapy is I have to do it everyday...not that any of it is that hard but it's a pain in the will pay off though one day:) for now I will mess around and take goofy pictures...oh and enjoy that my foam roller is pink...just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...what do we do we swim, swim, swim!

 This below is me actually doing physical therapy :)

Life Jacket & Looking Forward to Summer Fun

Last summer I did something HUGE for me...I went to the lake with my family...This was something I was not able to do for years and I went the very end of the season of 2013. Now this year I am already ready to go to the lake!! (my big sister and brother in law have a very nice boat) I recently got my life jacket that is a youth haha tiny me and my children's clothing... oh by the way a lot of people ask or tell me it is so much cheaper to buy children's clothing...let me correct that is not true... it's not a dime cheaper... Now when I go to the lake I don't water ski or any of that. I am content to sit in the shade and occasionally get in the water. I have an injured pelvis due to years of stress and pain to is healing however very slow... I will have been in rehab/physical therapy for 2 yrs. June 18th... I have another year at least to go & I have to travel 3 hours to get to physical therapy because it's such a specialty... and so I have to be careful. also with my health problems I get rashes in the sunshine so I have to be super extra cautious and use a ton of sun screen and shade myself. So 2014 lake trips get ready for me because I'm coming to relax!!

This is me first getting in the water...I had to hold onto her for support. but shortly after turned into a small fish. (basically we just float around with our life jackets)
 This is me and my sister Chelsey, I love her..she is one of my bests and with an almost 5 year difference and being total opposites on practically everything we still can fight a lot but when we do get along watch out we are silly and laugh until we cry like the picture above...silly

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Never Alone

A few years ago I was having a very bad lonely night and I was very sick... I had my laptop on youtube playing music... I said a prayer and this song came on right after I finished...every since then when I feel alone or troubled this song plays in my's not just a reminder... My father in heaven is there... I am truly never alone even when dark times come and I feel alone my savior is with me, in my heart...
Never Alone
by Lady Antebellum

"May the angels protect you, trouble neglect you, and heaven except you when it's time to go home
May you always have plenty your glass never empty know in your belly you're never alone. May your tears com from laughing you find friends worth having with every year passing they mean more than gold. May you win but stay humble smile more than grumble and know when you stumble you're never alone.
Never alone, Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown where ever you fly this isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you baby,
you're never alone.
Well I have to be honest as much as I wanted I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow. So when hard times have found you and your fears surround you wrap my love around you
you're never alone
Never alone, Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown where ever you fly this isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you, baby
you're never alone.
May the angels protect you and heaven accept you when it's time to go home
So, when hard times have found you and your fears surround you wrap my love around you
you're never alone.
Never alone, Never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart when you face the unknown where ever you fly this isn't goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you, baby
you're never alone.
My love will follow you stay with you, baby
you're never alone."

This Ginger & Her Ginger Ale

There once was a girl named Michelle, who loved her Ginger Ale.... baha
all I can say today is thank goodness for Ginger Ale! I have an what I call Imuran tummy ache because my medication Imuran can give me the worst stomach aches. It feels like I ate a bowling ball.  my stomach it hurts so bad....haha that was a weird analogy...  However laying down and drinking ginger ale always helps it! I was in the middle of my counseling session and my stomach started hurting like crazy makes it hard to concentrate on things when all you want to do is curl up in a ball... YES I am in counseling and No I am not ashamed or secretive about it... If you need help, you need help. It's the same as breaking a're going to see a doctor and get it fixed... well sometimes our brains need some TLC. Especially if you are chronically ill or facing something really tough in life (we all go through something no one gets out for free) it is nothing to ever be ashamed of!! In fact I think it's something to be proud of! So Thank you Canada Dry Ginger Ale... This Ginger with her tummy ache loves Ginger ale... I hope you all have a fantastic Tuesday may good things come to you!!
Today looks like a day full of rest... Wrecker is feeling better but still not his 100% ... looks like we will both be taking it easy!

Monday, March 3, 2014

If you're wondering how I get through hard times like these...this is how..."sticky notes"

I read my scriptures every night. My scriptures are the bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. I am currently at this time reading in the Doctrine & Covenants. Doing so is how I find peace in things that are hard such as being sick, or anything testing in life. I also learn many things... Lately what has been standing out to me while reading ( it's like heavenly father is leaving me little"sticky notes"...that's how I feel anyways about it... I can be reading along and all the sudden I find answers or like I said a little note of encouragement or even advice.) tonight I was reading and as I have been blogging the doctors think I could have something very scary wrong with me that could lead to a lot of problems and even result in death... I have strong faith and a strong testimony that God and Jesus Christ his son do exist... I also know their is eternal life. I also know God has an Eternal Plan for me and I believe very much so he has an eternal plan for each and every one of us! Tonight as I fight the worry of the possible horrific outcome of my health right now I am very scared but doing my best to lean on god for he is there for me.... tonight as I was reading I felt like this was my little extra "sticky notes" that I feel like God himself put in the Doctrine and Covenants just for me...D&C103:27. "Let no man be afraid to lay down his life for my sake; for whoso layeth down his life for my sake shall find it again." now I know he was referring to Joseph Smith Jun. and the saints in their works of the church. But to me it felt like a little post it as I worry about dying that their is an afterlife and not to be afraid of death. Here's another... D&C103:31 "Behold this is my will; ask and ye shall receive; but men do not always do my will." I felt like heavenly Father put this little "sticky note" in here to tell me, ask for health and for a good outcome of this test as it is easy to give up we have keep trying and test our faith in him...(goes along with my recent prayers)then their is D&C103:36 "All victory and glory is brought to pass unto you through your diligence, faithfulness, and prayers of faith." I feel like I was being told to have strong faith in the lord and be patient and constantly trying my best. I must trust in the lord. If I can not trust in him who can I trust in?? one. Heavenly Father loves me and whatever the outcome of this test will be what is best for me in the long run.. I love my heavenly father and I love feeling Like I get special "sticky notes" while reading the scriptures. This is just another example of his never ending love. Prayers and this book I hold and faith ...That's the only way I get through hard times like these, and even the good times too <3 I love my Father in Heaven very much and his son Jesus Christ! I do say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
I love how in this picture it looks like light is coming from my's really off my bedside lamp but still Light is being spread and goodness when this book is open...


As I sit here resting, feeling like the day can not possibly go by any slower... eating a box of gold fish, I think of something, how can a box of cutely shaped smiling cheese crackers make my day better??... I don't know the answer to that but I'm pretty sure goldfish can fix just about anything!! ...So if your having a bad day go get some cute little gold fish and hopefully they will make your day better too :) xoxo-things will get better!!

Toss Up but I can do anything!

Today I am still full of emotions about the news Mayo Clinic brought me. I have the test for my nervous system Friday to see if it is misfiring. I am continuously praying my nervous system is working perfectly fine for if you have something wrong with your autonomic nervous system...that's a pretty serious problem... autonomic nervous system is all the things your body does without thinking (breathing, stomach digest, eyes dilate and adjust to light) I have never felt so scared about what's been wrong with me in my life. It even says it can lead to death! at 21 I'm not ready to go ANYWHERE!! I will continue with prayers that this is not the problem for I feel I have many things in this life I have yet to accomplish and I have a lot more to do healthy! it is in god's dog has been very sick he is having tummy issues he has stress colitis, for some reason he got it when we went out of town the other day...weird we always are leaving out of town for my healthcare. If you read this I don't normally ask this but please pray for me, that I do not have this awful problem. Thanks if you do you don't know how much that means to me during this tough time! '' I will be at you're right hand and your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to lift you up."-D&C:88 I will continue to keep this in my heart and my head!

I am Michelle, I have my heavenly father by my side and in my heart...With him I can concur anything! IF he brings me to it I will get through it ... He puts the fight in me to accomplish anything no matter what the circumstance may be. I believe in miracles I believe in me and God's eternal plan for me! I am a little girl with great BIG plans! (as Mindy Gledhill would sing) yes I am really into Mindy Gledhill right now. I love you all xoxo

Saturday, March 1, 2014


  1. What is Endometriosis?? Endometriosis is where the cells from the inside of the uterus get out and grow in the abdomen and pelvis.. also in may other areas sometimes...The cells grow and grow with each menstrual cycle a woman has... which leads to organs being stuck together by the endometriosis itself
  2. Symptoms of Endometriosis: Extreme pain in the abdomen and pelvis. Nausea, vomiting,& diarrhea can occur before, during , & after a woman's menstrual cycle. (also painful intercourse is a symptom) The pain of Endo I crippling... I have endometriosis and can testify it is the worst pain! They say it's more painful than labor pains.
  3. treatments: You can use hormones to help your cycle stop or help lessen the periods. The main treatment for endometriosis is surgery...YES I SAID SURGERY. They cut the ablations out. most women with endo. will have surgery every couple of years if not more. I have had 2 laparoscopies for endometriosis and they are what works best for me also I can no longer take the hormones which leaves surgery as my ONLY OPTION. I have a wonderful surgeon who is a pelvic pain specialists. I have been through several specialists and these doctors and this facility is hands down the best! They study thing & know more then any gyno. and they truly care... here is the link
  4. Infertility: Endometriosis is one of the top causes of infertility. Surgery to remove the lesions can help with infertility.
  5. Awarness: Endometriosis needs more awareness too many ladies and even younger girls have endometriosis and get told they just have bad period or are crazy. If you think you could have Endometriosis you ARE NOT crazy and a BAD PERIOD THAT KEEPS YOU HOME OR IN BED IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE CHECKED OUT BY A PROPER PHYSICIAN. AS THE Endometriosis Foundation of America says: "KILLER CRAMPS AREN'T NORMAL"  know the facts. you may know someone with endometriosis.
  6. IF you suffer from endometriosis...You are an amazing woman and you are so strong to deal with the hardships of endo. don't give up! fight that fight! don't let endometriosis win over your life... you are precious!! and God loves you. p.s. I love you and think you are strong and amazing!

It is Raining!!! This Arizonan is super duper happy!!

Thought I'd share our rain with you! Whoo Hoo!! may we not catch fire this summer and have more moisture!!  let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!