Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Prayer

Tonight I found myself in a horrible POTS flare. Complete with; severe migraine, nausea, chills, maxofacial pain, chest pain, heart palpitations, tremors, and honestly probably 900 other things. My body literally was stuck in fight or flight mode for hours. That's due to ANS dysfunction. (It's SO much fun when your body panics like you're in danger, for hours, when nothing is wrong.) In these cases I use my treatments, and I use my distraction tools. At the end of the day if I can't fix it, it's best for me, to try not to think about it constantly. Which is one of the best things I have found helps me through flares. But when my distraction techniques are not one ounce effective, that's when I know I am in trouble. So after so long I said another prayer.  Ironically I immediately panicked over the severe migraine. The nausea so severe, I had already stopped all tube feedings. I was at my absolute worst on the sick scale. But literally the second I started to cry in panick, the sign on my wall jumped out to me. It says, "What if I fall? Oh but darling, what if you fly?" I see this on my wall so often, I never read it anymore. But for whatever reason tonight I did. In that moment it calmed me. I knew it was Heavenly Father telling me, "it's okay. I don't have to always go to my worst points of Heath. I was physically at my worst in the moment, but the fear was if it didn't improve. I started panicking of hospital stays and well no relief. That has been the pattern lately, but that did not have to be the case for now." And I knew in an instant I was going to be okay. Then the symptoms that where spiraling out of control by the second, became more controlled. Now I am just slightly miserable which is a drastic improvement. I am a blessed person. Prayer works but we have to have faith. But we also have to listen or in this case read the signs. He is always there -Chelle 

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Tubie Once More. And that's Okay

After 4 weeks of eating a diet consisting of; peanut butter, crackers, hummus, & little boxes of juicy juice.... I am ready for some real nutrients. My GI motility just keep declining. My Gastroparesis we thought flared. But I haven't been able to dig my way out. We have tried. So I have been starving and living on sugared IV fluids. That has been the hard part, the suffering from malnutrition. Getting the feeding tube put back in, isn't ideal, But it will get me the nutrition I need. It also makes my GI tract work, to keep it all moving. (If you don't use it you loose it.) Plus, I can start to push this belly once it heals.  We will keep trying, pushing, & fighting. But hey a feeding tube gives life! I spent the past month confined to my bed. I am deconditioned again. My whole body has paid a price of weakness from poor nutrition intake. My heart hurts a little when I think of how much hard work I put into this. But then my heart reminds me, I am still me. I am still here. I have a life to live, love & embrace. I'm picking myself up, brushing myself off. I will keep going forwards,because I am still me. But I know I can and will get back to that. I am strong! Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He told me "I wouldn't be cured, but I would live again." Now it's time to build up nutrition and live some more.
Embracing my tube because it isn't a negative thing. Some people are working hard to show that it's just a way to get nutrition. It's not all bad. People think it's deathly but what they do is create healthier patients. And that's what I am doing, I am getting the nutritional help I need to sustain life. I also will be able to workout again soon. I'm excited, living & thriving, not just surviving. "You have to roll with it. If you don't roll with it, it will just run over you, do you wanna get all flat". (Off Miracles from Heaven.) I know God's plan for me, I keep walking forwards one day at a time. We can all do it! We can do anything we put our minds too. Never give up hope. It's much to precious of a gift -Chelle