Wednesday, December 28, 2016

I'm not my body. I'm blessed.

I have started many posts over the past few weeks. They haven't been finished. They have not been published. Partly because I'm busy rebuilding my life again. Partly because I'm living, soaking up the good. Partly because I'm nervous. Pary because I don't know what to exactly say, I start writing and end up on a totally unrelated topic... Partly because I don't want to jinx it, Partly because of guilt that I am feeling so much better while many of my friends endure these hardships. But I know God has a plan for me. I've been taking "Michelle time" but My friends are not forgotten. I carry you all with me in my heart. I think of you often during the days. I talk to many of you still. I love my friends who know what chronic and disabled feel like. I'm not going anywhere. I am still here, just not so many posts. Please, never hesitate to message me or contact me! If you are a complete stranger I don't care if you think I can help, offer advice or be a friend to leans a listening ear... I am here! Please do! I talk to people all the time... Mostly strangers through this blog. That's what I want is to help people. I'm any way I can offer it. So please don't be shy. I've had strangers offer me help years ago... Messages are still checked regularly and will be!! Today One of  My few favorite doctors turned a rough time into a bittersweet time. I am going through treatments. Sometimes treatments make you worse before they help. With that comes tunnel vision of pain. But with that I have been able to cling to reading scriptures. I have been even closer to My Heavenly Father. I've been listening more openly. But I am stubborn. I am not patient. I want to fix things on my time. And I always have been that way. It's been a blessing for me truly. I've done so many things other patients never do. I've taken initiative of my care & have a sassy attitude of get on board or I'm going to find someone else to help me. (And I did) But life has been oh so good to me these past few months! I know it's Gods healing. Not one single treatment has changed. Something literally clicked for me. My doctors are thrilled yet scratching their heads. (Well I am pretty complex so that confusion is nothing new... But good confusion is a nice change.           of venue!) this blog will remain up. I started this blog with a strong prompting years ago. I didn't even know what to blog about in the beginning. I just write what's in my heart or on my mind. I feel prompted, I post. I try to educate. I have tried to share my story to help the thousands of others find help. To know they are not crazy just because a doctor thinks so. My crazy condition does exist. And that there is hope. We all have a plan eternal. Tonight my heart feels like sharing a moment...
Mom says, "That's not how a feeding tube works" haha 😂 I was trying to prime the tubing, without setting it down. (that's my extension that clicks into my feeding tube when in use.) No worries just flushing the tube to keep it unclogged. We are still doing well. happy to announce All food by mouth. All fluids by mouth. All sodium by mouth. All meds by mouth. I'm feeling blessed!! I still have #gastroparesis. It's a struggle to eat a lot of days. I still have nausea, feeling full after two bites, which results in force feeding, my belly bloats, my belly hurts, my stomach spasms due to being paralyzed, I drink a lot of Orgain and I try to be careful to not cause a flare.its a fine line. I am constantly learning what works for me. If I can maintain this nutrition by mouth... in time tube removal is in the future. Though, I do not have a timeline and I won't push one. Tubes are good when you need them. It took a lot to get my tubes (it about cost me life). I of course want it out but I have to be wise too. It's not about how fast you win the race it's about crossing the finish line. Dysautonomia is complex tomorrow, next month, or in ten years I may need to be tube fed. But tube feeding & having a feeding tube is NOT the end of the world. It does not define You! I am enjoying the blessing of eating. And I am holding to my faith that Heavenly Father is in fact opening doors for me. I'm not cured but quality of life is seemingly really improving. You better Bet I'll take any step forward. Moving forward brings more trials and lessons. My plate keeps growing. I am still chronic yet working on new goals too. You better bet I am not quiting now. You know I don't give up something in me never gives up (a blessing in itself) We pray for healing. We hold hope. And I am doing my best to listen to Heavenly Father. I'm not cured. I still have and will have struggles. But I am in fact not my body. And that's a priceless lesson I have picked up this week. Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. Be brave and have courage! You are not your earthly limitations. Your friend xo-Chelle p.s. Crappy Coffee (decaf, as I have barely slept in three days and have tachycardia #Dysautonomia) still brings me happiness. The simple things in life folks. The simple things.
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