Saturday, June 30, 2018

In Loving Memory, My Grandma you'll always be!

These past few weeks have been hard and so divinely blessed all at once. A few weeks ago my Grandma, went into hospice care. She has had an ongoing battle with Dementia and Parkinson's. She also had heart failure and cancer. She wasn't really talking, she didn't want to get out of bed. So we took a last minute, much needed "girls trip", and made priceless, precious memories with Grandma Pearl.
This visit with Grandma was so full of blessings and fun...
This Lady is SO miraculous She perked right up for us when we came in to see her via suprise. She refused to lay down and stayed in her chair the many visits we shared that weekend. Though she was in much pain from a feeble, failing body. I don't know how she did it, so bravely. She was surprised to see all of us girls and her (as he was telling her repeatedly throughout the visit (playfully) "awesome" grandson.) I know for a fact she didn't expect to see me. I had not been to Utah in eleven years! (Insert photo pink dance sweater at grandmas fresh yr.) My chronically sick body as you know does not travel well. It just wasn't in the cards, but this time it was. I prayed on it and rapidly had the feeling I would be okay, and I was. I needed to say my goodbyes to my Grandma and I will never regret it. She was excited and greeted me with the compliment that "her Dolly was beautiful" And at the time what she definetly didn't know, is I was struggling with many personal confidence  issues. Issues that stem from being disabled and a reversed year in my ongoing fight. (I've had a bad year of health.) And other people have told me this but for some reason this was special, and felt different. This time I actually believed it. My heart was full to see my Grandma and I was happy to she she perked up, despite what the hospice nurse was telling us.                                               I LOVED this trip. It will always hold such a special place in my heart. Many tender mercies, blessings, and pure love of the heavenly spirit happened throughout our trip. I will share a few....
Grandma also shared to all around on the day we got there that, "She was going to get married to (her deceased husband) Granddad.
But it was too windy so she called it off."  She also told us, "she had an important meeting that evening."  We had a mini impromptu reunion of sorts with all the family that we gathered up. (Last minute) And that sweet lady was simply beaming. The next day my Cousin asked Grandma if she went to her meeting. She looked at him like, hush lol... And told him, "No, my kids are here and I'm spending time with them I canceled it." I/we feel strongly Grandma was going home that previous  night back to Heaven. The meeting I think was set for her to go home again. But she had visitors to see first. And that's my Grandma. What was important to her was her family and her loving Heavenly Father. She was a true disciples of Christ, and a beautiful example to all she crossed paths with. I am so grateful this beautiful soul is MY grandma. She was truly beautiful inside and out. She lived a life of total service for others, most importantly her family, with a happy smile on her face, and a heart full of love for us. Her love truly knew no bounds. She was in fact an angel on earth.  
Chelsey was able to cut her hair for her on day two, for the last time. She told us it had no curl to it and her hair style she had always was no longer existent. This opportunity was a tender mercy. Chelsey didn't have any sort of hair tools, but my Aunt ended up having what was needed. My uncle and cousins "wheelied" her wheelchair. She got a her cut and style back. (And of course her beautiful curls.) She was happy but it was hard on her, for a moment she got nervous, I'm sure she was in pain a bit and a tear fell. I could see she was being brave. So I grabbed her hand and held it. She felt better and calmed again. She finished, She exclaimed excitingly, "It's me!" When she saw it. (Grandma was stylish. She worked hard, had nine kids, but always had her lippie stick and curls. And a massive love for the color red. She loved having red lippie stick and often wore red nail varnish. She might be where I get the makeup obsession, I mean love from. Wink, Wink.)                                     When the last day came, and it was time for our final goodbyes....
I was afraid for myself and full of nerves. Her retirement-home holds sacrament (Church meetings). While waiting to say my goodbyes, I was sad and nervous. I walked down the hall to get some clarity, and take a deep breath. Then the piano started playing beautifully  the hymnal, "sweet hour of prayer". I felt the Lord's grace and comfort for me. I said a prayer and returned to the room. She hugged me and, we had a small chat about Heavenly Father and his angels. She told me "don't worry" paused, "I'll meet you at your wedding." And looked me straight in the eye. I knew that she knew, I knew, what she meant... It was a sweet moment. I will always hold this near to my heart. I was not worried about her not making my wedding, as I didn't think with her medical situation she would be attending from out of state. (Though of course I wanted her there.) I later realized the message was to "not worry" because I worry too much... And the wedding part was its own seperate message... And I as told her, "I will be waiting at my wedding." We hugged again and left knowing in my heart I would see her again one sweet day and knowing in spirit she would attend my wedding day. 💕 We said a family prayer and returned home.                            About a week or so prior she had my Mom put me on the phone. She was excited about my recent marriage engagement and asked me simply, "do you love him?" And I chuckled and said "well of course I love him. I'm marrying him Grandma!" She said "Oh good! Well, don't care what anyone has to say, don't listen to anyone, none of your friends or any of that or things. All that matters is that you love him and he loves you. The rest will all work out and other opinions don't matter. Just do what's in your heart and do what's right and things will always be fine." Grandma ALWAYS had advice for anyone in any situation. And it was always good advice.                            She was in hospice for one week solid. Then she passed and was reunited with her Husband and Our Heavenly Father, and had a reunion of loved ones to reunite with in Heaven as well. Many more blessings occurred for our family these past few weeks. Our family is special and though we miss her dearly, we find happiness, and peace through the atonement and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We have no reason to fear death for we all have eternal plans. We are each on our divine eternal destinies, one day at a time, in the role we were meant to play, learning, and growing along the way. Knowing we can make it back through Heaven's gate again one day. The place where we will be whole again and glorified. A beautiful blessing for all that will be.    
                     Grandma always encouraged us to live righteously and do the best we could with what we were given. Therefore my own Mother has instilled these good values in me. I've hit some hard knocks in my journey of life. Grandma was my greatest cheerleader. She always was cheering me on, no matter what was wrong with my broken down body. She was of an older generation, that didn't understand so much of the medical mumbo jumbo but always was never judgemental, and only wanted me to be healthy. She offered kind, loving words, and wrapped her love of the Savior upon me. She shared her knoweldge, faith, & testimonies. Life for me will never be the same on Earth without her love cheering me on.                                             Cherry coke cheers for Grandma. We smile that our journey together happened and that as the popular song goes, "families can be together forever through 
Heav'nly Father's plan. I always want to be with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can, the lord has shown me how I can." 💕
Today, I rejoice in her love and examples because, it's still there and so is she. D&C 84:88 Tells us,"I will be in your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angles round about you to bear you up." This is my favorite scripture I can attest is truth. Granddad (Grandma's late husband), has always been my special Angel in Heaven. He whom has pulled me through some very scary nights. Nights when I myself didn't know if I would make it another day. He taught me the veil to Heaven is so very thin, & Heaven can be on Earth if we soften out hearts, look, & listen to the spirit. Now they are up there together in paradise. Both my special angels rounding about me, together, bearing me up. And I know this because the day she started into hospice, before I knew anything was wrong. I didn't have one fleck of glitter. (This is the sign Grandad leaves me to let me know he is still with me.) On this day, I found two side by side. The next time glitter occurred in my sight, I was in Utah after just visiting Grandma for the first time that trip... While my Uncle was briefing us on Grandma's current state, I was feeling lowly in heart a bit. I looked down and there caught my eye, just one piece of glitter in the middle of the table in the center piece. I looked around to find where the glitter fleck could have came from. There was nothing else around. Granddad was there with us.              This last Monday, a few weeks later, on the way to Grandma's Graveside a beautiful tender mercy occurred. As I spoke to my mom about my nerves. I was not wanting to say goodbye. I just was having a bit of a hard time with that reality, but I knew I had to do it. I looked down at my leg and perfectly side by side, two flecks of glitter sat on my leg. Where they came from I don't know. But glitter finds me. When Heaven is near. Angel kisses. It was indeed sweet and my heart immediately felt better.

I said my goodbyes to dear grandma. With pride and respect we laid her to rest, peacefully. I told her you're home now (in Heaven) and your body's back with the Earth.      
                                                        During these past few weeks, I've had some things happen with this blog. This blog that I had thrown in the towel on because, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't find words to say. After years of writing, and me of all people couldn't find her words. I think some of these things happening my Grandma has to do with... But it is clear to me more than ever that I have work to do here on earth. Grandma, I want you to know, you have inspired me to be a better modern day pioneer. To be a true disciple. To walk in faith, love, encourage others, and never give up hope. Because of you sweet Angel, I am starting a new beginning, dusting myself off, and trying again.                            This blog is now in loving memory of you, you brought me back home to the inter-webs, my heart, & my faith. I hope I make you proud because you have made me proud. I love you a bushel and a peck. Sincerely thanks for EVERYTHING! You've helped heal my heart in ways you'll never know. I know families are forever, God be with you until we meet again. 💕 You really don't know how much I needed this, and just how blessed I feel, because of your sweet and good soul. I'll see at my wedding! Thanks for the journey! Love you always and forever, Granddaughter of a Pearl. Xo -Chelle 

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