Monday, March 13, 2017

Scuffed boots

The other day sitting in sacrament meeting a new anology hit. (As I stared at the glitter felk upon my desk. Wait why was that there? I was having a good day? Oh my angel knew ahead of time I'd be feeling sickly soon enough. I quickly understood the need for glitter as my body took over the rest of my time there. But I got an answer I needed to know in my heart. Before havoc reached me... "Scuffed boots" it was a clear answer to my prayers. Sometimes when you are chronically ill or disabled, your instinct reaction is to cover it up. No matter what, where, or how I am doing there has always been a part of me inside that wants to erase it. I just want life to be "normal" again. I too want to be like everyone else. I don't think it's abnormal to not want to be ill. I think every sick person wants to be healthy fully. That's the goal. But sometimes it simply isn't attainable for all. Some of us come a little different or complicated. You may need a medical degree to know us. And that's okay. You know why that's okay? Scoffed boots.... I have a pair of cute black boots. I got them for Christmas. I loved these boots... I picked them out. And the very first time I wore these boots... I don't know how but they easily were scuffed. I was so mad! My new boots were permanently scuffed up after a few hours of use. Are you kidding me?! But then I laughed because those boots are just boots. I remembered how much I loved those boots and then I decided to wear those boots proudly. That scuff added character. I embraced the flaw, laughed a little & walked on proudly. Every single time I put My boots on I giggle when I think of the character I wear upon my feet... Those boots are more then boots they are a memory that brings me happiness. Happiness in simplicity. They are a reminder of how a little character is life changing. Those pieces that are hard to understand of me, My medical complexity just adds character. It's not all of me but it's a part of me. Sometimes we just have to except that chronic is a part of who we are. Yes, chronic comes with some baggage of some sort or another. There's a lot to construe. I have a lot of juggling in My everyday routine that takes up time and energy. Those are my attempts to fix the chronic as much as possible. To hide it away is my instinct but Heavenly Father doesn't want me to hide it away. What good would that do? What would I learn from My battles in life if I embrace them fully? If I didn't walk around with an arsenal of medical equipment in my purse... To combat my symptoms that are constantly changing from minute to minute. If I didn't have to think or plan every little thing ahead of time to my body's possible needs. Well I would be "Normal" I would be a lot more predictable! but those things are a part of me. The quirks make me a whole me. They keep me humbled among many things. But being different, has been a gift. Heavenly Father let these struggles in not just to build me. Nope, he knew I wouldn't be satisfied with just existing. He knew me. He knew My need to not just  fight my own battles but the will in my heart to help others in the midst of it all. If I didn't have battles of health I would know very little about life.  Oh no He knew I would find others. I wouldn't be able to take this knowledge and try to lend a helping hand without my character. Whatever that means. He knew I couldn't sit on the sidelines of anyone in the midst of a struggle earthly. That I would have to get up and try to help. And I'm glad I have character. Just like those "scuffed boots" a little character never hurt anything. So embrace your character no matter what it is in your life. When you kinda want to have new shiny boots but life gave you scuffed ones... Wear those scuffed boots with joy in your heart. Smile when you look at them. Don't kick them to to curb or wear the other pair. Wear them with dignity. Walk with your chin up confidently in those scuffed  boots that Heavenly Father gifted You to let life change you for the better -Chelle