Monday, July 10, 2017

It's Just Too Much

Last week was HARD! I mean seriously, I don't understand what happens in July but every single year it's a struggle. Maybe, it's because it's the month before  that anniversary comes up of getting sick. Maybe it's the stinking heat and having POTS. I am unsure but every year my brain snaps. So, if You are chronically ill, please don't worry about worry. Because I promise We all worry at some time. That gut wreching feeling that plagues us about what's going to happen to us... In our conditions... That feeling comes. Unfortunately it comes like a lightning bolt. That leaves you in paralyzing fear, with a shattered heart, & a mind full of memories likes picture show of what life was before illness struck. It's like dropping a snow globe and seeing it dramatically shatter in slow motion but Your real life. And there is nothing anyone can do to put that snow globe back together again. I have a strong faith in My God & his promise to Me. He told me I would in fact function well again, but not be cured. But I am too human. Though, I honestly don't like admitting it on my blog that for a second my faith felt small. (But I would be a liar if I pretended it didn't.) Every single year. I have bad days. I just don't let people see them so easily. And that's okay because I do believe in being positive, courageous, and full of Hope! That and my faith in God, Jesus Christ, & the use of the Holy Ghost have turned my what seemingly was a turmoiled, heartbreaking to watch life into a beautiful journey. And due to that my journey has been amazing. Yes hard. But amazing lessons followed by amazing spirtuial confirmations of how much Heavenly Father Loves Me & that I have a plan here on earth and eternal. A plan I willingly and happily abliged to. My journey isn't over and I will as God promised feel better again fully! And that's why at the end of a bad minute, hour, or week when I allow my fears to be bigger then my faith I always come back to him. Because I and none of us are ever alone in ANY times of trial in this world. We have a Savior who cheers us on and lifts us up. Thankfully I choose to snap out of it and come back home to My Father in Heaven and embrace his plan for Me. Even if that plan is not what I had in mind or hoped. Because He has the bigger and better plan. He has the knoweldge of the whole picture of my purpose. He loves me and like a parent He will teach me patience and trust. I will have faith and I will always at the end of the day rest in him. "Knock and it shall be opened" that's all we have to do is knock. (And if you know me that's how I manage my medical care I knock until no more doors are left.) Once I knocked, once I allowed myself to soften my heart and open those scriptures my whole outlook as always completely changed. Peace enters my soul. And today my soul was fulfilled with light. (Even after today some treatments noticeably wobbled unexpectedly, I did not.) May Heaven lift all my sweet friends souls and fill them with peace. We all have bad days it's how we brush ourselves off and get back up that matters. Satan will tempt you into doubt sneakily. But a bad day does not define anyone. Keep going, keep fighting in faith, (even if just a twig of faith), whatever that battle may be. May You be blessed, your heart full of love, & knowledge Your Heavenly Father is always there no matter what -Chelle