Recovery Pedals

This is my "bike"  I got it for recovery and I have had it for about a month. I am making progress on it .... But this is not a real bike I want a real cute bike like a beach cruiser ... this bike doesn't go anywhere it's inside and I feel like I am 80 years old when I use it. Sometimes I laugh at myself because it just looks odd; sitting in a chair pedaling. I started and 30 seconds to a minute... now its 5 minutes and I think last night I actually hit 10-15 minutes. So improving! those little improvements don't seem like a lot right now to me because I am having a hard time with all of this but I know it will be and I will look back at how much bigger those little things are. However when I graduate off this sucker it is going to be burnt or something I hate it....Any ideas? lol

Be Strong. Keep Fighting

Though I feel sad about my new diagnosis and frustrated... something inside of me keeps fighting, it always does. I keep trying exercises and being up on my feet. I keep going for my short evening walks down the street and back I continue eating 10,000 mg of Salt a day. I drink 85-100 FL oz. of fluids a day (half electrolytes) I keep fighting because, what would quitting get me? I would be more sick I am sure. So as hard as it is to fight and carry on at times like this. I just keep going because I will get there someday. no quitting. quitters always loose. Hold your head high and just keep on going. There are going to be better days ahead you got this! keep the song Roar by Katy Perry in your head....I got the eye of the tiger fighter dancing through the fire cause I am a champion and your gonna hear me roar!(I hope those lyrics are right) lol something I struggle with now is remembering lyrics.

Wonderful Blessings From Heaven, Heaven Is Shared Here On Earth, If We Open Our Hearts.

I learned a lesson today, "things can always be worse, we have to fight to make them better." (or open our hearts)
Tonight I was feeling very anxious over being so ill stricken. Sometimes I feel like it hits me all at once and I am staring all my biggest fears of being sick straight in the face. Believe me that is very frightening! So I prayed and asked not to be healed but for the ability to make it through this night(I felt I couldn't possibly take another second of it all) a few minutes later the anxiety worsened...I had a feeling to turn Pandora on and listen to Jesus music as I call it a.k.a. Hilary Weeks channel...(her music clicks with me and puts my emotions in place and good spirits in my heart.) So, I grabbed my trusty laptop and my mom was confused for I was laying on the couch, feeling awful and I randomly got up to get my computer ... I turned on Pandora and Find Me by Hilary Weeks is the first song...It was exactly how I felt I wanted Jesus to find me in my dark hidden corner of that moment of life... hearing that I cried my bad emotions out and felt a huge surge of reassurance he in fact had found me and heard me.... My angel who is always there is bad times a.k.a My Granddad who passed nearly six years ago came (he hasn't visited in a while and I suppose it's due to my sick cousin and he needs to be there, I am more than happy to share him) and I just automatically knew his presence was there and I automatically stopped crying and felt a wonderful calmness and peacefulness overflow me. oddly enough my mom woke up saying, "What" (I didn't say anything).... she said you said my name... I simply looked her in the eye and said I call you mom but granddad is here so I am sure he just wants his presence known.... after I calmed and I could tell he was gone a few minutes later I knew I needed to read my scriptures... I had a feeling to read a random page and it ended up being " The Acts:1:7 and he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power." ... at the moment I felt it was a sticky note saying... I need to not worry how  long I will be sick and make myself suffer over time lines if healings or not healings.... God is in control and I must trust him....and it was a sticky note for me... I know reading it over he was speaking about the restoration of Israel... but I do have moments where I comprehend things in a spiritual moment and I know it is a total and complete sign from God for me to follow. I feel so blessed and grateful and loved. -Chelle

All Over the Place, Don't Mind Me

I apologize for not posting for  a few days... I have had so many emotions, I could not even sort them out long enough to post about them. This past week has been wonderful in so many ways. O started gaining strength and feeling a little better for days in a row! Hallelujah! I was feeling soo very blessed and I just kept putting all my fears and worries into the Lords hands. I decided I was just like okay I am going to give him all this negativity and all this fear and anxiety. It was harder at first and got slowly easier but from the second I did that I didn't necessarily feel physically better but my heart felt like hey I can do it and it will really be okay in the end. He's got this! and through out my week I was on cloud 9 or I was upset or I was scared or I was feeling a little depressed and overwhelmed. I was like minute to minute changing how I felt. And I was really frustrated with myself because I kept going Michelle you should be happy you are making improvements! Years of hard work and misery is paying off! be happy! but I was still everywhere... When you start making improvements it feels foreign, you feel really uncomfortable, like something major is missing. Then you feel sadness because everything is changing and wait a minute what am I suppose to do?! Then you feel scared to trust in feeling better at all, because you are scared it will come back and you will have jinxed it. Then after that you feel sooo happy because you walked down the street to the stop sign! The sadness sinks in...did I really just feel so happy over walking down the street to the stop sign. Is this real? I am that weak and sick, I knew I was really sick but I am this sick? How will I ever be anything or recover from all of this? will I ever be okay again. except I knew the answer to that last part I know I will be Okay. I have been told it a million times by my heavenly father... I just know I need time... so after days of being at home and this happening.....I went to physical therapy! ( I went the longest in between visits ever) Therapy was great we were all thrilled I was finally making some sort of real progress after 2 years! Then, something happened, I walked into the restaurant in 105 degree heat. In the time it took me to get into the building I was not okay. I felt like I was so fatigued things were numb. I felt woozy and dizzy. I felt like I was passing out. I felt AWFUL! So my mother got me fluids and we dumped electrolyte tablets in it and fed me salty foods and I took salt tablets. I finally popped out of it. (how embarrassing) and it was time to go right back out... So my mom picked me up at the curb and it helped but the rest of the day I was soooo tired from that "episode" After this is was all down  hill really. My body started to feel like it was shorting out or something not working. I got  a little cold and shivered for hours (air conditioning cold). I got hot the next day and had to go through it again but that time didn't seem as awful...however followed my the worst stomach ache in the world. nausea. fatigue. headache. freezing cold/burning up. pain everywhere. numbness. Shaky tremors. grouchiness. It was awful I cried my eyes out over pain and misery last night. I just kept praying to be able to get through this and be safe. Heavenly father did it he got me fluids and salt and I fell asleep not too long after this "I think I am dying sick" kicked in. (it really feels like you are so sick you must be dying, because no one could feel this bad and not die) and I just woke up...well I woke up quite a bit last night. I am doing better not in dire pain. not feeling like vomiting. My stomach seems okay knock on wood. I still feel shorted out and like things aren't working quite right in my body. I feel extremely fatigued physically. my spine hurts pretty bad. my muscles all feel like bruised because I tremmored and shook for so long. My eyes feel dilated still. It is crazy but I am better then last night. last night was awful! I hate the end of a good streak but I have faith it will come back again. here is the better news (sarcasm) my neurologist is out of town until the 16th ahhhh! that made me more nervous last night but I do know there are other neurologists on call but he is the guru of what dysautonomia and the nervous system so I just am like hey get back here! haha and I lost an amazing doctor due to him being very ill last year unexpectedly and then another doctor I had passed away so phew I get nervous when someone is helping me I feel like telling them to be safe and lecturing them haha but I would Never! do that! anyways that is where I am stupid killer heat! and stupid Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome! and stupid Mass Cell Activation! Okay I am done...have a beautiful weekend! stay safe and if you are sick my heart goes out to you! Pray!-Chelle

Fear? Hope?

"Where there is fear, there is hope."-Chelle...That is what the Lord has taught me! One of many things I wouldn't trade for anything in this world <3

Grilled Cheese of Love

It was in the simple moment of making a grilled cheese for lunch... I was thinking deeply about the hard day I was having and I had noticed the bad health day was not tearing me apart... though I had a small heartache, I should of had a heavy heart as normal in these tough, trying days. Something was different today.... It was in the moment of realization while making that grilled cheese, that my heavenly father was literally carrying me today he is taking that singe of pain away and I just had the strongest reassurance it was him. He didn't take the sickness away but the pain, the worst part. He was carrying me through this hard day so I would not have to fight through it. He had answered my prayers once again. and in this very moment I could not help but to cry in gratitude for my savior and his love for me. That he would take my bad day and get me through it with out that deep hurt. He took it from me. For me. I am so thankful for moments like these when I know so strongly in my heart my savior is there. God is there protecting me, watching over me always. I am going to go eat that grilled Cheese in reverence. The best grilled cheese in my life ever!

Had To Share

Life with  Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome...Half of my fluid intake has to be electrolytes. Looking at this massive pile of Gatorade makes me cringe a little. No a lot... I was taking Nuun Electrolyte Tablets but for some lovely reason they make my stomach sick... You would think that would have happened in the beginning of taking them... no my body has to do every thing the hard way :) I also drink 32 fl. oz. of water mixed with one of my medicines Cromolyn so between that and the Electrolytes doesn't leave a whole lot of room there. I have to admit this disease/diseases are so overwhelming...