Hearts of Hurt, Release and Move Forward.

My heart hurts tonight, mentally and physically. That's the strange thing about Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome Dysautonomia. My heart hurts legitly when I am worked up even when I am not worked up it just likes to hurt sharply. Tonight I carry a heavy burden that simply comes with the territory of being sick, we hurt all day and some days more then others we struggle through the night hours in our pain... our minds wonder about treatments, medications, will I need surgery, am I going to even have any treatment for this, & the dreaded what am I suppose to do?...Sometimes when you are chronically ill especially with and invisible illness... it is super easy for most people to write you off as fine or dramatic. But sometimes the ones we love forget and sometimes they are blind to the mask on the outside as well. They don' t mean to, it just happens. Sometimes what follows this is they can't help you at the end of the day get well. They can't cure you. So there can be another frustration from a loving family member. Being sick effects them as well maybe even sometimes more then  we realize...Sometimes, they are scared too! There are times upon diagnoses that we have to sit back and start accepting our new life. Accept that things may or may not change for the better, accept that we now have permanent obstacles to face. Mountains to climb. There will always be a part of me grasping onto the before sick me but I know if I don't let her go permanently she is going to drag me down and take all my happiness away. Even my gift of life. She can taunt me that's okay. It's okay to miss her for a moment but I must do what I need & that my friends is to move on, move forward, except the non so perfect happiness. Even if that bothers somebody else, even if that other person is not ready to let go...With the knowledge in our hearts that we can have happiness always in any dark corner of life through our redeemer Jesus Christ. Amen. - Chelle

Crack

Where the arrow is pointing, that is where my pelvis decided to move apart  and hurt!

My latest and greatest. Last night I was moving on my bed like to reach my remote and my pelvis (I think dislocated but went backish in) the only way to explain it is it felt like one of those things you use to crack open crab legs, well that's what felt like happened to my pelvis! Yikes! woke up still hurting but we got it back into place fingers crossed! Now my whole day is ruined again and I am taking it easy! and in more pain!! My biggest issue with the whole thing is my progress. I was making progress on getting stronger and I worry this will get in the way :( They lord will provide! he always does.... I think he is really teaching me patients through all this! He must love me an awful lot to allow these situations, so I can learn and grow!! I hope you are well xoxo-Chelle

 

 

The Chains of Faith that Make Our Life a Master Piece

Today I was cleaning out my little wicker basket with all my blankets and purses in it. (got to store them somewhere) As I was cleaning it out I found some yarn, I have no clue why I bought this yarn or why I kept it but I did... I am not a person who likes to waste things, which led to my conclusion to YouTube how to crochet and I was going to crochet something....( I am truly convinced you can learn anything on YouTube) the yarn is too hideously bright and multicolored so I was like hmmm I will attempt making a blanket and we will see what happens... I am on my 3rd row just barley and I am not sure if I am doing well or not! I do like it though I find my mind wondering off as I craft every stitch. I think about life, my life, God, My Purpose here. It may be something I stick to but only time will tell... it is rough on my shaky little hands. I have to stop or use my fingers because I tremor a little. I don't want to not do things because of my illness, I want to try anyways even if it means trying ten times harder! I know my Heavenly Father has blessed me with a never ending will to fight and try. I had a very rough week and my heart was just on a total time out, I barley prayed, I stopped reading my scriptures nightly.... I regret it 100% once the negative feelings and fears worked their way out, I found myself missing the very best thing in my life, My Heavenly Father, My redeemer. I know they never left my side.... I am blessed, & loved and no matter what I will always be. What a comfort to know this! I have started my habits back up of regularly praying and reading scriptures etc.. I think my prayers are even stronger and so is my faith!  I feel closer to God than before.In the darkest hard times if life, we grow, we learn, we conquer, the biggest blessings come from the hardest trials in life! xoxo- Chelle

Me, A Mountain Top, & A Pair of High Heels

I had an wonderful day and spent over an hour on pinterest, dreaming of having a house one day and of course filling it with wonderful décor! For the first time in maybe even years I actually allowed myself to DREAM.... dream of a life, even as  I was dreaming, something was different about these new visions stored in my head. I didn't have the perfect house, nor the perfect life. I even envisioned myself as chronically ill. I have never done that before. Never ever have I accepted myself as a chronically ill person. I learned something in this hour... life doesn't have to be perfect for me to have happiness. My body doesn't have to be perfect or normal to feel alive inside. moping will always occur (which we all know I will tend to do at times, sorry when you are chronically ill, this is just part of the territory. I know I will always to compare myself to the little thriving girl I was before I was sickly. My heart just yearns for her.) but I can still fly as high as the sky will let me! Faith and a little more patience then I ever thought possible and that mountain my friends, I will be on top with a huge flag. The words will read, "not only survived but conquered." I will also be wearing stiletto heels, they keep me closer to heaven :) speaking of heels I got a new pair I gifted to myself yesterday....I have the hardest time finding heels that fit with my child sized feet, so I just had to get them.

Wow!

This past week has been hard for me, I had worked myself up to extremely scared and worried about my life and what it will be with all these medical issues. I felt like I had soo many emotions that I just kinda checked out for a few days. I just brew in my emotions and I am not sure if it was healthy for me or not but I needed it. last night I shared on my Facebook page as I posted here a fundraiser called clicking my heels for dysautonomia. I wrote on my Facebook post the complications, little knowledge, and research for this disease I have. I didn't have any response from anyone for hours (which was a little embarrassing and offensive) it was the 1st time I had ever said I have dysautonomia on my Facebook page. Then a classmate I went to high school with was so kind as to mention her friends name on my post and then that girl sent me a friend request. I thought to myself, "is this possible, to know someone with POTS?" I got super excited and started emailing her, I was just so curious... I had felt alone all week and here a total stranger was making me feel like someone was there. AND someone who actually understood!!! I felt the answer to my prayers had come...then she added my to a support group!! I have to say it was good to see others with my issues, unfortunetly some where much worse. It has made my heart feel full since. It is almost like I found a click where I belong in this world. I am so thankful for kind hearted people...isn't it amazing what just one single person can do for someone...next time you feel like nah I won't say something to that person they'll be fine. DO IT SAY SOMETHING TO THEM!! God hears me, he hears you. Lots of Love! well wishes to you -Chelle

Wanna Donate for Chelle?

Wanna donate for research for what I have??? This Gal is pretty awesome! Her name is Michelle to what a coincidence! I love her blog and her gorgeous RED heels! She is trying to raise money for Dysautonomia Research! Check it out! Oh and When I asked if you wanted to donate to Chelle... I meant both of us (wink, wink) but I am serious PLEASE :) xoxo- Chelle
https://give.everydayhero.com/au/clicking-my-heels-for-dysautonomia

Dysautonomia Today I'm a Daisy.avi

I do not drink alcohol ( I believe my body is a temple, and alcohol is no good for me) that being said I do not look down upon any one who drinks. My own family members drink. I can't eat chocolate right now due to mast cell. I am not a mother. But other than that....this really sums up things! I am not doing well this week. I probably won't be posting much but I will be hopefully back on track soon! I still will be sharing any helpful thing I find. Being sick is hard right now. But I know one day it will be okay. Blessed be you all! xoxo Chelle