Thanksgiving- In the Hospital

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Gobble, Gobble! hope you have a wonderful day and time with your loved ones! I am in the hospital. Away from my family have been here since Monday. I must say I am very thankful for my mom who takes such good care of me but I  learned something last night. My family does Thanksgiving Eve and I have never missed it and you don not realize how much you miss your loved ones until you can't be with them. So give the hugs and kissed and spread the love to your most treasured loved ones in your life this thanksgiving! <3- Chelle

This is what they gave me this morning jello and broth!

 

Then they made it up with this (I did not eat it, I can't) but it felt good to look at it anyways I did devour some mashed potatoes!

Tape Rash

Today I had the same ole, same ole kinda day. but I have a horrible itchy rash under this tape!! You can not see it but grr it is there so itchy! And I can not take it off because it protects my Picc Line and keeps it sterile. Hoping for my new sensitive tape to come in tomorrow! let's just hope I can get my nurses to change it! See Primary care physician in the morning (the one over my TPN) hope for good things!! Because my tummy is not improving at all.  xoxo- Itchy Chelle

World Prematurity Day

Happy #worldprematurityday! I was a 3 month preemie so in honor of this day,
 (Born: January 29th Due date: April 26th)

this is me and my parents almost 22 years ago!

Dynamite comes in small packages.
(I got rid of tubes once before, think I can do it again??)

Update:
Finally the starvation ceased for the time being. Today has been rough. I basically am at the point to where I am starving or if I eat anything I am in pain or vomiting or both. It is so frustrating. I never know what exactly is the right decision when it comes to this. Thank goodness for my PICC line and TPN! However I just noticed my Picc line looks cracked a little...hope it is not an issue... she (home health nurse) could not get my extensions off so she really had to tug. hmmm I just realized how different my life is then "normal" 21 year olds. My extensions consist of longer tubing placed on my PICC Line so I can access it on my own... instead of long hair haha! Ugh my tummy is hurting :/ I can do this! God is with me and my angels <3

A Good Day Chelle & the Leary Truth.

This is what a good day Chelle looks like! Viola! I used to look like this all the time. I do not anymore. I look sickly more then not. That is okay!

Curls. 

 Lipstick, eyeliner, mascara!

A new sweater I have had for weeks and have waited to wear!

Yesterday was a good day over all. I wore makeup! for the first time in what felt like weeks. I felt pretty for the first time in weeks. My siblings came over and I was silly and laughing for the first time in... well let's not answer that. So I had a good day right!? Yes, then why i felt so low made no sense. I think that happens because on the good days we enjoy them yes. But after they expire, we are faced with reality that we are missing out. Not living to the full. Struggling. The burden digs in deep into the heart.

As you all have known, I have been strongly encouraged by the Lord to stay happy in this less then wonderful situation of the recent diagnosis of Gastroparesis, courtesy of my neurologic condition Dysautonomia (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). The past few days I have struggled. I have struggled with the way I physically feel. I have been having massive pain with eating anything, even a sucker made me ill and hurt just yesterday. I am starving. (am on Total Parenteral Nutrition, so safe) I have suffered pelvic pain at a higher level. My head aches.I have been burdened with stress. I have been more anxious and on my toes. I have been more tired. I have felt more discouraged as reality sets in. I can't eat. No matter how bad I want it. I get sick. I know God wants me to be happy. Here and now. Going through this complicated headache. I know I am strong but just 5 minutes ago, I was unaware. Courtesy of Al Fox and Meg Johnson...and of course my Father in Heaven.... I have had my prayers answered again. I was feeling so down and just weak. I had let the pain and struggle get me. I was feeling incomplete, yet again. I felt like I could no longer climb this mountain. It was simply too big! Didn't God know what I was going through? Did he not realize POTS spelled backwards was STOP?? Didn't he know how weak I am? Oh, He knew alright. He knew my hearts aches because he is My one and only Heavenly Father who loves me very much. Because of this, he not only listened to my hearts woes, but gave me and Olive Leaf I have been praying for. (referring to the olive leaf from Noah) In Meg and Al's talks The lord not only lifted me and inspired me, he showed me.

The first talk was about Gilead and how his army had to shrink down to 300 men and it was this whole process but of course it was a trial for Gilead and he was unsure and feeling like hello, don't you know all my weaknesses here in the situation) but in the end they where victorious. (because of God) then Meg shared a personal story about having a really long day and being to tired to wheel herself up her wheelchair ramp to cook dinner. She prayed and told the Lord she'd practice her faith and push as hard as she could but she didn't think she'd make it. (usually she falls backwards) but this time the whole way up she went. Al spoke on the bad and the good days. Sometimes those bad days seem to never end and we can get down. But the good days are sure to come around again. But even still those trying times come and it's harder. Trials come. Some days have more faith then others. Some days it's almost impossible to pray out of anger or physical reasons. Others we pray all day. Others we are weepy...this is my life.(I am all over the place but I know my plate is a platter and I have strengths) but I needed to know God knew my situation. Right this second. So I prayed. and I came across these. They so were meant for me to hear. God was involved because he showed me through their talks, he is there and I can do this. What he gave me was reassurance to all the things I was already aware of. He doesn't want me to list my negatives and short comings. They don't matter. I must focus on the good, the positive. No matter how weak or disqualified I think I am. Take a deep breath. I can do this. He is there, to help me up. I just have to walk in faith and continue hoping! - Blessed Chelle

P.S. go check out Meg Johnson and Al Fox if you haven't already! They are both awesome and truly inspiring!!

How I Feel About My Tubes.

            

 

             The fact that I have a feeding tube doesn't feel real all the time. I have moments when I realize I have to rely on a feeding tube for now and it feels weird. Over all this tube helps me feel so much better. I am not starving constantly. I have a little more energy and a lot less pain. I still vomit.  I eat very little on my own. But that tube feeding is sustaining me. Just like Heavenly father is always sustaining me in life.
               I have chosen to not change my life because of this. I will not avoid food. I will not avoid food situations...the grocery store, restaurants, pinterest/Facebook (all the recipes and pictures), TV commercials. I have chosen to take this challenge and roll with it. Embrace it. Because that is what my Father in Heaven wants me to do. He wants me to be happy no matter what I face in life. Trails are tough but they bring greater blessings. Even sickly, he wants my happiness to continue, grow. He wants me to spread goodness and light. So that is what I am doing! I know he is giving me such a strength with all this. Because it is true all of this it is easiest sick transition for me over all. I am sick. I am going to be sick. It's okay. It's how my life was intended to be. One day I will be whole again. In the mean time I can choose happiness. I am never alone here. Just that little bit of knowledge really goes a long way :) Hopeful & Heartfelt -Chelle

Infinite Power of Hope...This is so Lovely, My Heart Beams Full of Gratitude for I Know This Is Truth!

Thinking about Love.

 

 

              Today I  want to write about love. Love is the most important thing in this life as well as in the afterlife. Love is bond that keeps us together forever. We all are focused on love in life. All types of  different loves exist. Each and everyone of us love. How much love are we spreading? Are we telling our kids we love them regularly? Our spouses? Our parents? Our grandparents? Our Grandchildren? Our friends? Our neighbors? Love spreads through out the earth in many different ways. Do we smile and hold a door for a stranger? Do we bite our lip with a loved one to avoid an argument? Do we bite even harder due to the risk of hurting another, out of temporary anger? Do we smile at the waitress who is having a hard time and reassure her, her flaws are okay? That she is a human being too? That they are not hurting us in any way? Do we be patient with one another? Do we jump to being angry with the person on the other end of the phone line? Because his/her's company wronged us (even though it was not that person's fault?) When we fall out of love or loose a friendship, do we let the hurt go or do we hold on tight to our anger/hurt? . Do we bully ourselves? Simply because we are not "perfect". Do we put so much pressure on ourselves and others that it tears us down as individuals? Is that Christ like love? I am always asking myself if I am spreading Christ like love In my life and I am not perfect, I definitely have room for improvements. But at the end of the day if I  keep Christ like love in my mind and remind myself to spread it. Will I spread it more? I did an experiment and the answer, yes.  It is neat to see other people light up and it's like a chain it just keeps going.... like if you hold a door for a stranger that stranger will probably hold a door for another after. Smiling to people, smiles are contagious. When spreading Christ like love we able ourselves to see more goodness and love in our days. Do we listen to our promptings? Do we act upon them? I will never forget one day a stranger practiced Christ like love to me in a very desperate time of need. I was trying not to scream because of this worst agonizing  pain ever, I was at the time experiencing in full force. I had been experiencing it for days. I had had surgery several days earlier. I had complications and ended up getting a latex catheter in surgery. I am allergic to latex and this caused swelling. So of course due to swelling. The new Catheter and I had to go home. When the swelling went down the clotting began and it hurt! After the drive and the bumpy wheel chair ride over pavers, and to the floor of the doctor's office. I was in agony. My mom was signing me in. That's when this dear lady walked up to me and put her arm on my shoulder. Very mother like and kind. She said to me something simple but very impactful to me, "I am sorry & it is going to be okay." I remember that awful day. That for months I tried to block out of my mind. That lady made me feel better in an impossible situation. We were in the pelvic pain specialist office. So, there is a good chance that sweet woman knew what I was going through. She felt prompted to comfort me in anyway she could possibly think of. She spread Christ like love.   If we spread Christ like love we aren't just spreading love but goodness. We are even spreading love to ourselves. I think that is what our Heavenly Father, who loves us endlessly wants. Is for us to spread love not just for others but for ourselves. Lots of Love - Chelle