I Don't Want to be "Rich", Because I Already Am!

"quarter in a payphone drying laundry on the line,

 watching sun tea out the window pocket watch tellin' time"

-Miranda Lambert (automatic)

 

I am unsure if I am just growing up or if it's all I've been through... But I finally quit thinking' "One day I will be rich, no matter what." As a kid you always think you will have the finest house and even more fine things to fill it up with, you will have the best car, & the most glamorous clothing. Lately, I don't even want a big fancy house I honestly would be happy with a simple house with simple things... I don't even want to be rich, which is probably good because I have much doubt I'll ever be rich anyways haha with being disabled for the past 3 years, and the medical expenses I will be lucky just to pay my bills one day! But having things just doesn't hold value in my heart. Just because one has more "things" than another person never makes them of more importance. We are all wonderful and hold the same importance on this earth! God never made 2 the same... One huge thing I have learned from being sick is, money is just money, it can't buy you happiness (and even if it does, it is not permanent no matter what you buy, it grows old or worn out... it isn't the latest trend anymore...it all loses it's value and happiness at some point or another) And if it holds it's own value, well.... you can't take it with you to heaven!! :) Happiness is in our souls, it lays in the foundations of our life's. The choices we make, the things we do with our time here on earth, the peoples life's we touch. How you value yourself, Having faith, standing next to God, & our savior Jesus Christ, putting our life into prospective of eternity, family your loved ones.... health...those are the things that hold value in this world! Our church leaders warn us to get out of debt & that money is not everything here on earth.... Our lives, our spirits, our souls, doing for others, now that is where the riches truly lie. One day we will All ( if we hold to the commandments and do right) be rich! Rich will be crossing the finish line into heaven through those beautiful gates! I am not rich by money and you know what? I am starting to think being "poor" is a good thing! Something to be proud of.... My parents have both worked hard full time jobs my whole life, And they both go with out things they want or dreams they had, a major importance my parents taught me was to get out of debt, You don't always want to not have that super fancy house on a hill, but you will be forever happy with your family, the people you love...that is rich. You just have to keep your prospective on life. Listen to the guidance from Our heavenly Father, Our Living Profit Thomas S. Monson, and the rest of the authorities. Reel in the important things in life... I am blessed to have parents like mine!! They have been so supportive of me and my being sick, they pay for all I have, if they didn't I would be in a box on the curb, I know not all parents would be a wonderful as mine... they could of chosen to believe I was dramatic or crazy (as many doctors said), they could of kick me out at 18... but instead they continue everyday taking care of me. Now I would love to move out! But for now, I am right where God wants me to be! For the 1st time in my life, without a dime to my name, I know I am rich!

Pinoneer Days 2014

My mom and My mom 2 A.K.A. Aunt

This past Saturday my mom and I went to town, called Snowflake about 30 minutes away from where we live...We met up with my Aunt & Uncle ( my 2nd parents) along with many other relatives (mostly cousins) to celebrate the pioneer days! Started with the parade, which they always have a really nice parade, every ward even does a float. After we followed with of course a BBQ! This was at my cousins house and I actually ended up getting really sickly from the heat of the parade (it wasn't that hot & I was in shade, body needs to calm down) So I layed down and had a pedialyte popsicle courtesy of my cousins wisdom teeth removal around a month ago haha. I found myself in a dilemma though. It was the first time I had been around people in that sick state. I could tell a lot of them were worried and I just had to lay down and rehydrate and eat... I did pop out of it towards the end. It was hard trying to explain what was happening to me. There is so much to tell and then you have to decipher what to leave out and what to put in... on top of that I felt so bad I couldn't think or talk well. And I was trying so hard to smile and be all it's okay but I have a feeling they didn't buy my smiles, and faking I was okay. I am so blessed with wonderful family members! Before we left I had my uncle give me a blessing of comfort it made me feel so much better! I am so thankful for the priesthood and for those like my uncle, who hold it. I love my Father in Heaven! I love Jesus Christ! and I Love the gift of the holy ghost.... I am so thankful that I am a Latter Day Saint of Jesus Christ! Blessed would be the word, I am blessed!

 

 

My great uncle(the one in the cowboy hat) was the Grand Marshal of the parade!

 Well deserved, he is a wonderful man! He was (as you can see on the side of the care) a prisoner of War & WWII VET.

I Did The Imposible

So this morning it was rainy and cool outside so I put my pink, purple, & yellow tenny shoes on and my brace, got the dog and went outside. I walked around a while and finally decided I am going to give running a try. (I have attempted several times and failed) today I am happy to announce I ran just a few feet. But I RAN!! I feel so blessed and my Savior is definitely with me! I received a blessing Saturday for comfort because well my heart felt quashed over being sick. I had such a bad past 2 weeks, glad to announce yesterday I started popping out if it. I am not well still, I do not want to leave that impression. The impression I want to leave is even with POTS Dysautonomia, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, Endometriosis, Lichen planus, Asthma, Hypothyroidism, Joint hypermobility, and recovering from a Trauma Pelvis, I still did something amazing. Now I  am sure most 21 year olds would not think running a few feet was anything worth celebrating or bawling hysterically in my yard thanking my Heavenly Father over and over again would be amazing but I do! I see the beauty in this life no matter how small something can be to the world, it can be something huge for you personally and that's what matters! I have a mountain in front of me... I can't go around it unfortunately, I must go over it and straight to the mountain top. That's where I will be maybe not today but one day I will! I think today I am the happiest I have ever been in my life!

Lots of Love-Chelle 

 #POTS #DYSAUTONOMIA #ENDOMETRIOSIS #MASTCELLACTIVATIONDISORDER #ASTHMA #PELVICFLOORTENSIONMYALGIA #CHRONICALLYILL

Never Stop Praying

  Today was hard. Really hard. This whole past week has been hard. I feel like my illness has won. I feel I have no real care today from my doctor and I fear going so long without proper treatments will leave me with some awful symptoms forever. I can't go back. I can't change time. Though my heart feels broken I know my heavenly father is here. Helping me. I just have to pray and put my faith to the test. Love life. and be brave. (you can't read my ring but that's what it says) Heavenly Father sent me here, I chose this life. Now I just have to find that part where I am strong. Some days feel impossible, others I feel like a rock star. But unfortunately I feel impossible more then a rock star regularly. I do still have hope for a better future and a fuller life. Time heals all wounds they say. I will never quit heavenly father, After all I am a fighter not a quitter. I know you will help me along the way with whatever life throws at me good or bad. or scary. Love, Chelle.

I am going to hash tag POTS and Dysautonomia on my post about them in hopes other suffers can see my story and hopefully find hope or just some way to relate to someone. It's a rare disease and hard to handle. My love goes out to anyone dealing with any form of affliction. Being ill or any other form. xoxo Chelle #Dysautonomia #POTS

Doctors can be a Handful.

 I have been diagnosed with POTS/Dysautonomia and Mast Cell Activation Disorder for a few months now. Among other things.( After 8 years of misdiagnosis and searching) I finally found a doctor that would believe me, know what is wrong.Also take care of me! I have not been feeling good this past week. And when I say I haven't been feeling good it means I am so sick I am confound to my house badly ill. Because when you live being sick all the time, there are 2 of me:a sick you (that manages doing some things) and the so sick me who is scared, in pain, having odd symptoms, laying in bed. I tried at first sticking it out in hopes it would pass. It didn't which sort of broke my heart and put me down. So now me and my Neurologist are emailing. My PCP where I live at is really not much help ( I think she just doesn't understand 100%) and I can never get in and then I end up at urgent care haha. They really judge me there. Having a disease 99% of doctors have no clue even exists leads to well, a war for patients like me. Hi I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome Dysautonomia. They look at you like you are nuts and tell you, "you are crazy", " you need counseling" and they smile a sly smile while saying these things. Then they proceed to act like they have helped you out soo much just for ya know, being there. Some even have patted themselves on their back. I love it too when Doctors tell me I am just dehydrated and I don't drink enough water. The other excuse of course is Anorexia. (I am not that skinny) I am tiny 4 feet 11 and a HALF inches lol. And some have hearts and simply come out and tell you I really don't know what is wrong and I am really sorry. I love those kinds with hearts <3 even though they do not know or didn't know they still cared. That can really make a sick persons confusion and bad days feel better. When you are sick all the time with no answers, it is rough what makes it even rougher is when a doctor makes you feel bad or guilty or like you are truly crazy. I wish doctors didn't even use those words. But finally I found myself a neurologist and he believes me and wants to help me the hold up is, he is 4 hours away and has several patients. because when you treat a rare diseases... well there aren't a lot of those specialists. I have been thinking about my latest run in with urgent care haha I was told my condition was not "urgent" This disease brings a lot of frusterations and they come before diagnosis. you just hope after diagnosis that doctors will be understanding because you are diagnosed. well it most of the time doesn't work out but I am starting to think some of these things need to be changed and I need thicker skin. Doctors shouldn't ever be able to make another human being feel bad about being ill.

A lot of different people with different medical problems get told they are crazy.... I was crazy for 8 years before getting diagnosed with POTS. I even got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at one point Check this out to see the statistics on a study or how patients were treated before diagnosis. (I think they need to do one on after diagnosis too) .http://www.dysautonomiainternational.org/page.php?ID=184

ALL IF FAILS JUST LOVE YOUR DOGGY! OR ANY KIND OF PET YOU HAVE :)
they will make those bad days better always!

Thinking. I gave it up.

This past week I have had too much time to think. ( hate when I am super sick and that is when I need my mind off of it) So this week has been full of anxiety and worry and thinking. I have thought about all kinds of things. Too bad it's all been about my health. I think about what could happen, what's going to happen, and how I am going to do it. I think about pills, treatment options. I think about diets, what to and not to eat, how much sodium I have eaten, measuring water, measuring electrolytes, measuring foods literally by servings. It's a full time job. Of course I occasionally think I can not do this another second. Then follows anger. Then I tend to ask got why!? Why me!?  every time he answers me with a it is going to be alright. I finally had soooo much worry the other night I said "okay. God. I am going to give you all my worries because I can't take it anymore." So I physically handed them to him. Then  " every time I caught myself worrying I said, "I gave it to the Lord." And that's where it has stayed since. My life is in the Lord's hands and that is all I need. He is going to help me, take care of me, I am never alone I know I have a gazillion angels around me at all times. I never have had a bad night without at least one angel to comfort me. EVER. I realized this is a huge blessing and I am so very grateful for it. I have all the tools I need to overcome anything. Just put my faith in gear and keep going! Even if it seems impossible and hard. God can do impossible and hard. He loves us and understands our trials! Give it to him, All of it <3 -Chelle

Angels

yesterday was mean to me. I spent the whole day in bed. I had a horrible pressure migraine that shoots down my neck and my teeth even hurt with it. I had a stomach ache so bad I could hardly move. And I have no clue why this is happening. I ended up having too much time to think and that turned into worry. I started just being a huge pile of worry. I prayed the whole day and finally I got upset and cried why is this happening to me. I don't know why this is happening to me or why it has, being ill. but I know there is a reason, so I can struggle and learn and grow into the me I am suppose to be. The me I am destined to me. Sure I am 21 living at home, and being taken care of by my parents. ( I do have my independence) but doors have been shut for years for me. I didn't know what to do or think anymore. But God always sends tender mercies in times of struggle. After I prayed I listed to meg Johnson's podcast and she has several, there was one and my computer froze I could only listen to that one.... So I was like ok God I get it I will listen.... it made my whole day better! it spoke about angels and how though we can't always see them we can feel them with us in times of need. I know I have my guardian angels around me. Not just heavenly ones heaven is here on earth too. sometimes people here on earth act as angels for us in our life. Whether it is a brief amount of time or a very long time of help. The hearts are touched just the same. She told a story of a girl who was sitting at her work (a party place) and this little girl was obviously sad, The first time she felt like someone wanted her to go include this little girl in the playing that was going on. But Meg said no I have other things to do right now. But then a second time occurred and she finally went to the little girl and tried getting her to play and she just kept turning Meg down on all her offers, but then she realized her hair was clean but it was as if it just had dried from the shower and her top didn't match her pants ( like they were from 2 separate outfits) So Meg asked if she could comb her hair and that little girl said yes. While combing her  hair Meg asked if her mother normally combed her hair and said yeah. So Meg asked, "is your mom gone today?" the little girl replied," sort of, she passed away yesterday." I cried my eyes out when I was listening to this story the whole reason the little girl was even at the party was so her father could make funeral arrangements. I would put a million dollars that the little girls mother was there with them and she was who wanted Meg so badly to go send some love to her daughter in ways she couldn't on the other side. We all have our angels and they do watch over us but they can  not always do things we here on earth can do. Something like brushing hair. I think too if we keep our eyes opened and hearts we can help our angels help others. I am so blessed. I hope one day I can be someone's angel, some day soon! Lots of Love-Chelle

P.S. it's okay to struggle, it's okay to have a bad day. Just remember tomorrow is always a new day with new beginnings. xoxo - Chelle