I'm not my body. I'm blessed.

I have started many posts over the past few weeks. They haven't been finished. They have not been published. Partly because I'm busy rebuilding my life again. Partly because I'm living, soaking up the good. Partly because I'm nervous. Pary because I don't know what to exactly say, I start writing and end up on a totally unrelated topic... Partly because I don't want to jinx it, Partly because of guilt that I am feeling so much better while many of my friends endure these hardships. But I know God has a plan for me. I've been taking "Michelle time" but My friends are not forgotten. I carry you all with me in my heart. I think of you often during the days. I talk to many of you still. I love my friends who know what chronic and disabled feel like. I'm not going anywhere. I am still here, just not so many posts. Please, never hesitate to message me or contact me! If you are a complete stranger I don't care if you think I can help, offer advice or be a friend to leans a listening ear... I am here! Please do! I talk to people all the time... Mostly strangers through this blog. That's what I want is to help people. I'm any way I can offer it. So please don't be shy. I've had strangers offer me help years ago... Messages are still checked regularly and will be!! Today One of  My few favorite doctors turned a rough time into a bittersweet time. I am going through treatments. Sometimes treatments make you worse before they help. With that comes tunnel vision of pain. But with that I have been able to cling to reading scriptures. I have been even closer to My Heavenly Father. I've been listening more openly. But I am stubborn. I am not patient. I want to fix things on my time. And I always have been that way. It's been a blessing for me truly. I've done so many things other patients never do. I've taken initiative of my care & have a sassy attitude of get on board or I'm going to find someone else to help me. (And I did) But life has been oh so good to me these past few months! I know it's Gods healing. Not one single treatment has changed. Something literally clicked for me. My doctors are thrilled yet scratching their heads. (Well I am pretty complex so that confusion is nothing new... But good confusion is a nice change.           of venue!) this blog will remain up. I started this blog with a strong prompting years ago. I didn't even know what to blog about in the beginning. I just write what's in my heart or on my mind. I feel prompted, I post. I try to educate. I have tried to share my story to help the thousands of others find help. To know they are not crazy just because a doctor thinks so. My crazy condition does exist. And that there is hope. We all have a plan eternal. Tonight my heart feels like sharing a moment...

Mom says, "That's not how a feeding tube works" haha 😂 I was trying to prime the tubing, without setting it down. (that's my extension that clicks into my feeding tube when in use.) No worries just flushing the tube to keep it unclogged. We are still doing well. happy to announce All food by mouth. All fluids by mouth. All sodium by mouth. All meds by mouth. I'm feeling blessed!! I still have #gastroparesis. It's a struggle to eat a lot of days. I still have nausea, feeling full after two bites, which results in force feeding, my belly bloats, my belly hurts, my stomach spasms due to being paralyzed, I drink a lot of Orgain and I try to be careful to not cause a flare.its a fine line. I am constantly learning what works for me. If I can maintain this nutrition by mouth... in time tube removal is in the future. Though, I do not have a timeline and I won't push one. Tubes are good when you need them. It took a lot to get my tubes (it about cost me life). I of course want it out but I have to be wise too. It's not about how fast you win the race it's about crossing the finish line. Dysautonomia is complex tomorrow, next month, or in ten years I may need to be tube fed. But tube feeding & having a feeding tube is NOT the end of the world. It does not define You! I am enjoying the blessing of eating. And I am holding to my faith that Heavenly Father is in fact opening doors for me. I'm not cured but quality of life is seemingly really improving. You better Bet I'll take any step forward. Moving forward brings more trials and lessons. My plate keeps growing. I am still chronic yet working on new goals too. You better bet I am not quiting now. You know I don't give up something in me never gives up (a blessing in itself) We pray for healing. We hold hope. And I am doing my best to listen to Heavenly Father. I'm not cured. I still have and will have struggles. But I am in fact not my body. And that's a priceless lesson I have picked up this week. Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. Be brave and have courage! You are not your earthly limitations. Your friend xo-Chelle p.s. Crappy Coffee (decaf, as I have barely slept in three days and have tachycardia #Dysautonomia) still brings me happiness. The simple things in life folks. The simple things.

Tender Mercies on a Page

Frustrating treatment battles. But In the end I hung up the phone. I closed my planner and it oddly did not close. This is the page that was opened. (I have never seen this page until today.) thankful for those tender mercies! Love this quote! Keep going with faith-Chelle 

Miles & updates

"I'm gonna walk 100 miles, I'm gonna whistle all the while if that's what it takes to make me smile. I'm gonna walk 100 miles. I'm gonna run right up this hill summer skies or winter chills. If I gotta take a break I will. But I'm gonna run right up this hill. I wanna hold the whole wide world right here in my open hands. Maybe I'm just a little girl. A little girl wth great big plans!" -Mindy Gledhill (I have a goal of 100 miles in 100 days. I run most of them but I get them in daily! It's POTS treatment protocol to do cardio) Today was a chronic day. The weather makes me tired and achy. I did not want to do my mile. (Even walking one just was not my cup of tea today.) when I woke up this morning, I woke up a bit early. So I took to Facebook to find out yet another Gastroparesis warrior had been taken today. It always hurts to loose      another fighter. It makes me reflect on my life. Though, I am so thoroughly blessed and have had major life changing healing... It makes me realize even more how many really do not get this chance. They loose the battle. My battle. So though I felt tired I did my mile because I am ABLE to! Today, I am able to eat by mouth and workout. I was able to take the sacrament and attend church. Tonight, I did my mile for all of those who can't. This one is for you guys!! Fly High 💚 I am SO very blessed and My life is full of love and cheerleaders. Thanks to all my cheer leaders because it's so touching to see how loved I truly am. Thank you all and lots of love always- Chelle        

   (Neurologist is pleased with my improvements and we will continue down the path we are on. We will hope, pray, & hold faith as always. I am better and I know it's God. My doctors are a little baffled (in a good way) but it's God and I know it. So I will enter this new avenue and see what's in store for myself next.) 

Condolences, a thought, & a prayer

So many emotions in one little world... I haven't said anything. But I feel compelled to. Yesterday (Election Day), one of our amazing, brave, & sweethearted officers was shot in the line of duty. I did not have the honor of knowing from the only things I hear... One spectacular person. A true big heart. Thank You for protecting Me officer Reed! 💙  So I ask that you keep his sweet family in your prayers & of course our SLPD. (as well as all effected) It's heartbreaking to me. All this election stuff matters, it does. But in my hometown what mattered yesterday was what happened. Another innocent life lost. Another police life lost. Our protectors. And a long 24 hours on edge for a community. The person of guilt had to be put down. There was no choice. They tried. Thank you to our protectors. Pray for the family of the killer too. Because I am sure they are struggling too! But I am proud of my little town we put aside all our differences yesterday and today. We stopped to think of our own families. We all focused on what was really mattering. In Show Low AZ you won't find us arguing, or crying over the president. You will find us lifting one another up. Like Americans. I am proud of our community. I am proud of our police officers. Thank you for all that you do! Please keep this family in your prayers during the next while. Hug your kids, your husbands, wifes, parents, Ect. Hug them extra hard! Sending my condolences and Love, -Chelle

 (I've posted before and I will post again. Say Love. Be kind to one another. Don't hold hate in your heart. If we worked as hard at loving and being kind to one another the world would be a different story. Be the light in this world You want to be. And I am not just talking to you guys I am also talking to myself!) -Chelle 

Oh So Blessed. Oh So!

I am SO blessed. I have been having some seriously fun amazing times! (This is my post shooting "look"... (I had so much fun with my Brother and Sister shooting today after church.) another moment of gratitude hits my full heart!

I know God holds all credit of these amazing milestones. I have been for a full two weeks living life AGAIN! Today in church during sacrament it hit me... Just two months ago I was on DAILY Iv fluids, because I could not tolerate jejunal feeds through my feeding tube. I worked my way back to all fluids and formula through my J tube. I keep pushing (as always... I have spent many many hours heaving my guts out because I was stubborn and ate with Gastroparesis. In a state where I literally couldn't have a sip of water.) I now went 2 whole days! TWO DAYS!! Eating by mouth!! (Minus fluids) wow! I am working on finding how I can have a well rounded diet with GP and its flare ups! I am working out daily. (A proven POTS improver... But my body simply couldn't.) I lost my nutrition. I was stuck in bed. Mostly because doctors did not know what was wrong... Neuros won't talk about remission to me. But my soul could not and would not stop. I couldn't give in... Even when I had no choice. But my neuro was SO pleased and jumping up and down with me just three short months ago. I am excited to see him in two weeks. And TODAY I was sitting in Church with a full heart of grate of all the things I have completed in a short time! True milestones. I am excited to keep trying. I am excited for the opportunity to LIVE My life. God stripped me down to nothing. He gave me a pile of No. But I am upon my mountain top... Humbled. Happy. Wiser. And Oh so blessed! I am still Michelle. However... A BETTER ME! One thing is certain God is telling me to go for it! I believe I have new callings & new directions in my life ahead of me. I am not cured. I have Dysautonomia. Bad days will surely come. Dysautonomia is still a mystery to the world. But we are managing better and learning what triggers me as a whole. I am having time to gain strength. Neuro bellies can reverse. But life is clicking for me  again. Keep going. Keep fighting your fights... Your battles... Your trials! Because Heavenly Father is there. He is molding You into a You that You did not know could exist. Pray, listen to that still small voice, and let him take care of the rest. He loves you more than anything!! Now I'm going to go spread my wings and fly! Never give up Lovies. I love all of You. -Chelle 

Another Update. Another.

I have been pondering my thoughts this week. I have realized that most my Doctor posts are frusterating scenarios... How about we take a minute and A. Thank all MY Doctors! I have a very hand picked few that make up my team. (And let me tell you, they are so awesome) all of them go the extra mile for me. They all have compassion and work  their butts off to keep me going. So thank you to all my doctor (insert big hearts)! I have learned a few things the past week or so... Zofran has been causing my massive migraines (what?!) I am thinking eliminating that out of my daily routine is good to offer some serious help! I also found (Tubies) that phenegran comes in a lotion! Yes, how awesome! I am working on getting my phenegran in that form. If your formula makes you sick (because we know Gastroparesis weens and wanes) water it down. Or if you drink pediasure, Orgain... or any of those drinks and are struggling to tolerate you can water them down. Who would have known? I was doing really good with eating by mouth. Well for whatever reason this week that came to a screeching hault... I also lost my appetite. Something I actually don't struggle with (you know I am actually one who struggles with feeling starving) I have learned to force feed as much as possible. And when that just doesn't cut it... Eating sugary something tends to make my body want to eat more (when it decides that food is not a necessity in life)   I also have upped my yoga practice. Especially before bed. I don't do workout yoga I do relaxation, destressing yoga. It works! I think it's important to tell the body to calm down with Dysautonomia when the body is constantly revved. Get that heart rate calmer, the head clearer. I seriously am starting to swear by relaxation techniques. (Not a cure but it makes a difference) I also have done cardio all week and I'm yeah after being sick for two weeks I did not loose it all (like normal) I have been able to crank out a mile a day of good cardio 💪. If you don't know already. In Dysautonomia/ POTS cardio and leg/core strengthening is as important as sodium to restore. Plus who doesn't want to be simply stronger? I should not have any procedures for 6 months if all goes as planned and my feeding tube behaves! (I believe if my tube behaves and I stay out of the operating room my body will have a fighting chance.) that's why I fell so hard this summer...I lost a tube and my nutrition did not bounce back... Then I have a virus. Then I had Endo surgery. Now I've had my tube replaced and we are crossing our fingers... lets do this folks! Seriously. Moving forward with life Dysautonomia can take a back seat! I am taking charge. (I have some big plans in the works and in my head) "maybe I'm just a little girl, a little girl with great big plans" -Who sings that??! One Big Leap of Faith... -Chelle 

A Positive Note

So with Dysautonomia Awareness along with any awareness comes negativity. Because being sick is not a walk in the park. There is the ugly side of chronic. But there also holds a really positve side through this journey! Like, I have been shown so many amazing things in this life. I have received many blessings and I will never take life for granted again! I have the opportunity to be a better me... I literally am getting the chance to take all my shattered pieces and I get to put them all back together again into a bigger, better, braver, stronger me. The me I did not even know existed. I couldn't have found this me without Dysautonomia. Did my life go as planned? No, but whose does? Heartache and disaster will strike at times. In those times we get to grow. We get to truly test our endurance. Just when I think I have none left, I suprise myself. Without God in this life I don't know where or what I would be and I can honestly thank Dysautonomia for the biggest, greatest blessing in my life. My testimony. My faith has exsoared what I'd ever thought possible. So, the next time you break and you can't fix it. It's going to hurt but in that time you are becoming a part of something bigger than you can see in yourself. You will be able to find comforts from Heaven. Trust Heavenly Father. He can see the whole picture. Especially when we can't. Dysautonomia was not in My plans but it was all along. I will never take a simple bite of food for granted. A drink of water, sodium, energy to complete a day, the ability to stand up, or any other simple bodily function again. Though, workouts are tough, treatments are frusterating, & Doctors don't always know. I am here. I am being molded into the Michelle I was always meant to be. I have missed a few steps along the way but for every no held a greater yes. Isn't it funny how we see Gods work in our life's when we look back? I am SO tired right now but what I accomplished today won't go unrecognized. I'm brushing myself off. I have been pushed down. Pushed to every limit. I have broke. But because of that... I get to stand up again. Even better and brighter and with so much more fullness and love in my heart for God's plan. The real importances in life. Stand upon your mountain top when you get to the top and look at what You accomplished! Be proud! Don't let your mindset be full of  the worlds opinions of what you "should be", unimportant items, or what you don't have. Earthly things don't matter. The kind of car you drive, the house you live in, or the clothes on your back do not make you who you are! Count those blessings. No matter how seemingly small. Hug your family tight. How many simple moments of memories do you have? Do you remember the lavish times or does your heart smile when you remember reading the little piggies book with grandma, baking cookies in the kitchen, eating lucky charms at the counter with Grandad, being held up to the buffalo by Grandpa, going to the moon with cousins on the tramp,  taking all the couch cushions off and stacking them up to jump on them, turning your bedroom window into a "drive through" when Mom told you not to, making pretend IDs and money to play house, going to Eds for candy, playing with homemade play-dough, Ect. the giggles, goofiness. Getting beat up by the "Olders" like when you got hit in the head with a rock or tripped on the red scooter so your bloody nose matched.  Leave your imprints on this world. The simple ones, the beauty of your heart... Those are the things people will be remember. Those are the best times. See the tears, feel the pain but you decided what it does to you. Let yourself become who God wants you to become. Don't let the destruction of this world break you. You are too beautiful not to soar. Let your heart and soul shine. Remember who you are! Love always, -Chelle (this song  is my anthem. Let your heartbreaks in life be beautiful heartbreaks,  http://youtu.be/xyX-I-um5Kk)