Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Today is one week no IVS... NO NEEDLE IN MY CHEST 🙏 !!!
"It's not about your scars, it's all about your heart"-Mindy Gledhill. Only using my feeding tube for both hydration and feeding!! Whoop whoop! Seriously though it's surreal and very convient! I don't know how to feel besides extremely grateful. I feel so blessed. I also feel nervous. I at some point obviously had a switch of some sort, neurologically. This led to better GI motility to allow my j feeds to become higher. I'm not sure I've ever really moved "forward" with Dysautonomia. It's really just been a battle of one foot forward ten backwards. This day also is the end of the month I became ill 9 years ago. In a year I will have conquered a full decade of living chronically ill. Due to my chronic illnesses life has definetly not gone MY way. MY plans did not get "made" things changed in the blink of an eye, yet slowly overtime. I thought I would always be better next year. Then I fell on my face so hard I could never fully get back up. I fought daily to survive life. But I tell you I am blessed!! I have a lot of knowledge about my life. I feel I know the true importances to seek. I know I have witnessed special blessings to myself on some of my worst horrid days! I have felt so sick I have had many days I thought death would be taking me. I have crumbled to the core. I have lost full control of my life such as work, socializing, living. It soon became replaced with doctors, treatments, and struggling to get by day to day. I will always keep trying and hoping for better quality of life. I know because of mine afflictions, that I have become stronger. I have recieved so many blessings i would have never of been able to have been obtained on any other path. Being so Chronically ill, has changed everything in my life but I can honestly say... though times have been hard, lots of hard, it will always be replaced with something bigger and better! (Maybe not in this life, but the next.) and sometimes blessings the size of an elephant are with us in the moment but our afflictions are too much to bear. We are in the midst of fighting and clinging to our faith. We are wondering why God would let this happen to us? We are in pain. (I know I saw many blessing during the aftermath of a hard time) Well, he is molding you. He is changing your life forever. Even if a miracle happens you forever are changed. What? Maybe, you don't want to hear that... But maybe, just maybe it's one of life's greatest gifts. A view upon a mountain top is one of the most beautiful views. Go climb it! Find your perspective that fits your diversity in your life ! I've shared this song, beautiful Heartbreak by, Hilary Weeks....many of times, I've listened to it more times than you could count. This song has always resonated with me. Always spoke to my soul...this song was in my head during hospital stays, procedures, beating my head into the wall needing help and not receiving it, tests, doctors office visits, travels, what felt like wasted time... Sure. I've been crushed, mangled, pushed to all my limits!
(I hope LDS women go check them out!! They are amazing!! Link:https://www.facebook.com/LDSWomen/ do not mind me borrowing this picture to share, I just simply love it!! it's why I blog. If I have nothing to offer the world what's the point in having all this knowledge? Guess I better share it!. I must be a tool in the bigger picture. That is why I blog!)