Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Celebrate 8-31-16

Today is one week no IVS... NO NEEDLE IN MY CHEST 🙏 !!! 
"It's not about your scars, it's all about your heart"-Mindy Gledhill. Only using my feeding tube for both hydration and feeding!! Whoop whoop! Seriously though it's surreal and very convient! I don't know how to feel besides extremely grateful. I feel so blessed. I also feel nervous. I at some point obviously had a switch of some sort, neurologically. This led to better GI motility to allow my j feeds to become higher. I'm not sure I've ever really moved "forward" with Dysautonomia. It's really just been a battle of one foot forward ten backwards. This day also is the end of the month I became ill 9 years ago. In a year I will have conquered a full decade of living chronically ill. Due to my chronic illnesses life has definetly not gone MY way. MY plans did not get "made" things changed in the blink of an eye, yet slowly overtime. I thought I would always be better next year. Then I fell on my face so hard I could never fully get back up. I fought daily to survive life. But I tell you I am blessed!! I have a lot of knowledge about my life. I feel I know the true importances to seek. I know I have witnessed special blessings to myself on some of my worst horrid days! I have felt so sick I have had many days I thought death would be taking me. I have crumbled to the core. I have lost full control of my life such as work, socializing, living.  It soon became replaced with doctors, treatments, and struggling to get by day to day. I will always keep trying and hoping for better quality of life. I know because of mine afflictions, that I have become stronger. I have recieved so many blessings i would have never of been able to have been obtained on any other path. Being so Chronically ill, has changed everything in my life but I can honestly say... though times have been hard, lots of hard, it will always be replaced with something bigger and better! (Maybe not in this life, but the next.) and sometimes blessings the size of an elephant are with us in the moment but our afflictions are too much to bear. We are in the midst of fighting and clinging to our faith. We are wondering why God would let this happen to us? We are in pain. (I know I saw many blessing during the aftermath of a hard time) Well, he is molding you. He is changing your life forever. Even if a miracle happens you forever are changed. What? Maybe, you don't want to hear that... But maybe, just maybe it's one of life's greatest gifts. A view upon a mountain top is one of the most beautiful views. Go climb it! Find your perspective that fits your diversity in your life ! I've shared this song, beautiful Heartbreak by, Hilary Weeks....many of times, I've listened to it more times than you could count. This song has always resonated with me. Always spoke to my soul...this song was in my head during hospital stays, procedures, beating my head into the wall needing help and not receiving it, tests, doctors office visits, travels, what felt like wasted time... Sure. I've been crushed, mangled, pushed to all my limits!
But yet here I stand strong... Writing this post to encourage you all to fight the war. Maybe you lost the battle today. But the war is not over! "I never dreamed my heart could make it, I thought about turning around. But heaven has shown me miracles, I never would have seen from the ground. Now I take the rain with the sunshine because one thing that I know, he picks up the peices along each broken road. Every tear every doubt all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this few. And now that I'm here I would never change. the faith that I feel and the strength that I find through the bitter sweet tears and the sleepless nights. I used to pray he'd take it all away, oh until it became a beautiful heart break." -Hillary weeks (go check out her video on YouTube!! And her song!!) You never know what tomorrow brings. I used to laugh at the talk of getting better. The truth is the odds are I will never be better as a whole. I have a complex neurological condition they know very little about (and it's not new) I also have many chronic illnesses...(it's also the end of Gastroparesis Awarness month.
One of my worst conditions brought on by my neurological condition. I won this month but many have lost. Too many. My friends are passing away. We don't have good life qualities. We need help. We need more than 2 FDA medications to speed gastric emptying. We need to not have to buy medications from other countries. We need more than feeding tubes. We need more than nausea pills around the clock and still suffering. We need not live in massive pain. What we need is help in any form. I don't want to see someone die on a weekly basis or more. That IS the REALITY of Gastroparesis. Go look into it. Make yourself aware. It's a silent killer.) I also am completing my last day of a medically induced detox from a medically induced withdrawal last month. But the good news is I am off all of it now!! I wasn't going to share that tidbit but I think it happens more then we realize. It was part of treatment for a misdiagnose anxiety disorder and they left me on it and I did not realize I was on such a strong medication in the first place...you trust your doctors, especially when they are holding promises to 'fix' you...(this was a long time ago)... So while it was awful to go through for while... A total blessing in disguise. No more now.  But I moved a few steps forward this month and that's my victory. That's something to celebrate-Chelle 
(I hope LDS women go check them out!! They are amazing!! Link:https://www.facebook.com/LDSWomen/  do not mind me borrowing this picture to share, I just simply love it!! it's why I blog. If I have nothing to offer the world what's the point in having all this knowledge? Guess I better share it!. I must be a tool in the bigger picture. That is why I blog!)