Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Choices 9-6-16

Sometimes being sick is overwhelming. It brings up a LOT of mixed emotions. Like right now I have been down for two weeks. My body is just in a lot of pain and I keep getting migraines. My body is also very upset with the the weather changes, and the monsoons... My pain is not only chronic... it's getting out of control on a daily basis. Not typical to have daily out of control pain... Chronic yes. Out of control?
No...Which means another thing.... My brain is like "um? Hello? Don't you know you are not okay!?" And I am okay!  Yes I am in a lot of pain and stuck in bed or on the couch. I am so incredibly fatigued. But my body really thinks it's not okay (a normal body reaction... It's in pain, it's sick, so therefore it's going to signal to me that I am not okay.) and though I know I am okay...basically at this point all I can do is let my body do its thing. Basically I'm sitting here and letting my body fight itself. (It's like waiting out a toddler's temper tantrum... You can hear it. You know it's there. But you know it will be okay. So you sit there and let it pass) I'm just sitting here watching my body go through its own tempure tantrum...  It's upsetting to be this way. I've been stressed out that I have been down. But as I have been trying to do everything I can to "make it better"... I came to the conclusion that all I can do is simply the best I can do. I am taking my meds. And laying around the house. Do I want to be? No? It feels like a waste of so many things!! But it's truly the best I can do for my body and if it wants to throw a fit I have to choose to just let it. I have to just wait it out and hope for a better time. Let it pass... I can think of a million things I "should be doing" off the top of my head. I've been letting that eat at me all week. But is that really going to make my body stop and feel better? No. There is a lot of things I "should" be doing but I simply can't right now and that has to be good enough for today. Nothing makes me more mad and frustrated then, being chronically ill. But I don't have a choice! So, I can get upset and emotional or I can take a deep breath and let it go. You can only do the best you can! Beating yourself up for things you can't control because they aren't the way they "should" be. Will get you no where! -Chelle