Monday, September 22, 2014

Jealousy

Sometimes I get jealous, sure it's  not something anyone would want to admit. Nor do I. I do get jealous though... sometimes at home, with family, friends, strangers, people on TV, movies, in stores, in restaurants. It is not that I want anyone else to be unhappy or sick ever! I just find myself longing to be them. Wondering what it must be like, what life would be with out sickness. To have a body that works, instead of sickness that has wrapped its ugly thorns into my body and mind. It eats me up regularly and I have no control over what it does to me. I fight, but rarely ever win. So sometimes I long for "regular" people. I don't like however the jealousy that comes with it...I find myself mad at total strangers. I find myself asking, "Don't they all know there are sick people out there that can not do these things. And if they can manage to do these things, how hard it is on them.
Of course they don't, would have I? 8 years ago? NO. My anger isn't at them directly I think my anger is at myself, at the universe. But after my few moments of anger I have to remember I have a plan eternal. Though right now at this time in my life is not feeling rewarding in any way... One day I will have perfect happiness and a perfect body. I was not put on this earth just to be here and miserable.... I have purpose! I pray for all those afflicted with any health issue or sickness My being so sickly is a trial that is going to lead to bigger blessing. (and yours too!) <3 xoxo-Chelle