Sunday, May 17, 2015

It's Not Permanent (struggles)

YOU are beautiful in every single way.
I took a few days off from blogging to have time to self reflect. I have been feeling better lately (physically... healthier). Strangely however, I have been terribly upset. Not because I feel better but feeling better has allowed some negative realities to come out. I am realizing how far I truly fell. How sick I truly am, and with a very complex and confusing medical syndrome no one knows about. I am realizing how much of life I have truly missed out on. That time can not be given back to me. That this whole world is pretty different from the world I lived in as a girl nearly nine years ago. That the burden I carry is truly heavy and I guess I have been feeling jaded. But that all stops now. I realize I will have moments or days where yeah... this bumpy road is gonna get me. But I am not going to live my life feeling sorry for myself because I didn't reach all my goals. Or things didn't turn out the way I planned. Sure, I should be graduating college right now and starting a career or be married like all my friends... but apparently I have a different calling in my life (not cutting out marriage lol just must not be the right time. Nor college... you never know) but if anything has been clearer to me it's that my heavenly father loves me very much. It's been a long week and I prayed for a sign that I was okay, that he heard me ...I then proceeded to turn on Pandora. The song Beautiful, came on... (You are beautiful no matter what they sat words can't bring you down). That song spoke to me and I knew My Heavenly father heard my heart. Suddenly things became better, clearer....  I have a purpose though I don't know what right now. But time will tell. I'd like to say that time heals all wounds but I'd be lying if I said I believed that. I think pain is a awful but crucial part of life.... in every aspect. It's harsh! But I know my burdens and pains can be eased by my creator. Times are tough but we are tougher.  Trials bring blessings. Have hope for the future and if you need you can borrow mine tonight. "Chelle's Hope, One Day at a Time", quite literally! -Chelle