Friday, July 8, 2016

Heavy Laden.

Today was a HARD day. I did not feel good. At one point I had thought I had failed the day. I not only had a 7a.m. pre op appointment followed by a three hour long (unknown until the day before) hospital appointment where they basically do what they normally do in pre op right before surgery... labs, medication lists, ect. So I suffered through all of that. pushed through to end up with probably the worst migraine in my life! Now remember I have been having a migraine daily. So for me to say I had the worst migraine in my life, it was pretty horrible. normally a half dose of pain meds takes it mostly away. I have been trialing like a thousand different migraine medications. Well nothing helped me today. I spent hours riving in complete horrid pain. Out of control pain. After hours of this I finally gave up. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to help me. In any way possible. I didn't care what happened as long as I could handle it again. So I literally was in so much pain I thought, " I am dying, this is going to kill me." followed by my next thought, "awe man, no. nope. I won't die from this I never die from all the millions of other times I thought I would be toast." "No you always come through Michelle." and at that point I was kinda like oh boy hold on the ride is just getting started. I had cried out. I had began at that point sobbing and praying. That was all I had left in my tool bag my medications and remedies had totally failed me. And there was no way I was even considering going to the ER. So you know how serious this statement right there is... So I dug down deep in my bag of faith. And I thought doubt at first. I thought you said a prayer hours ago... we are at this point now, ten times worse. But I thought, "Oh No. I am not going to go there." So I prayed, I prayed for Anything to help me. I didn't care what form. What way. Anything. As I am praying and wagering with God. I simply heard "Be Still My Soul" play through my head. And I was like "ah ha!" that meant something. I feel like my soul needs to be still." So before I knew it that song was not just going through my thoughts. I was humming it. and feeling some pretty good relief of my pain that was way out of control. "hey I am on to something here." Then the next thing I know as I am praying not only do I feel the total Love and Peace from Heaven that at that time I know filled my whole room not just my heart and soul. I was singing at that point. I had gone to crying and clenching and total craziness with a dose of chaos, to complete stillness and peace. and no pain. All that pain and stress both mental and physically my body was going through was gone within minutes. Replaced with complete spiritual blessings of healing. Then I thought of Matthew 11:28 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." This is so true and my testimony has been so boosted of this tonight. I pray a lot for healing and I don't always get what I want, when I want it. Sometimes I will laugh when someone tells me I will be better soon... but at the end of the day I know one thing. That God has portrayed to me with time.... and this is not me loosing faith nor giving up in any way. I know I will not be cured in this lifetime. I might get better, well I have had improvements and I am thankful and hope for more. But at the end of the day I know God's plan for me includes being chronically ill. Sometimes that a tough spoonful to swallow. Some days I think, "why am I even here? Seriously!" I feel like a burden to others. I feel I have not much to offer. But I remind myself we all are here for a reason. We ALL have a plan eternal and divine. We are here to be tested, and trialed. We live life to grow. To be molded. We have to pass the test despite all our earthy situations. And we all have them. So this is where being super sick all the time is totally and completely just "unfair" we live in pain. We live with symptoms. We dream of life without them. We wish them away. Times come where we literally would do anything to help our sufferings that have gone bonkers. BUT my biggest most amazing testimonies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and the plan of salvation.... that God does exist along with a loving Jesus Christ. That knowledge comes from hard labour and experiences from the sickest longest worst days of my life. Sometimes we have to break to see things, to allow us experience to change and grow. Sometimes that is a wonderful time full of lovely things. But we are put through the hard times to help us. That's just how it works. Those are the times when butterflies break out of their cocoons and fly high. So the next time you are in and impossible situation in life. Pray first. If you don't succeed keep in mind the above Bible verse that is told to us many a times. Pray he is there, speak he is listening. you are his child. -Chelle .... after I had this experience of course I knew it needed to be shared... So while using Google to find the exact references without flaw I came across this Talk by Dallin H. Oaks in 2006 from General Conference. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/he-heals-the-heavy-laden?lang=eng&_r=1