Thursday, October 23, 2014

PICC Line Placement & Giving It All To Him.

This is my new Penny the Picc Line.

When you put your problems in the lords hands and trust fully in him. Any burden can be made so much lighter. Now I am not saying that the Lord is going to just erase our burdens. (because I am a  firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that trials bring the biggest blessings in life.) My struggles recently have been pacing myself, being impatient, and trusting 100% in the My Savior Jesus Christ. Now that does not mean I didn't have faith, that  I didn't believe, that I didn't know. I simply was holding onto a piece of my burden no matter what. I tried to let it go but me just being me couldn't. I know the lord can take our burdens away and make the load not so heavy in the midst of horrible storms in life. What I also know... you have to let him. We have to give the burden to him. So. I started praying, first for what I needed in my life (that I would know what I needed to work on within myself. because I was not fully sure). Then I listened, that was a little hard for me. I did not want to be patient. I really did not want to pace myself. But those 2 things oddly are what I needed to help redirect my life to let the lord have my burdens to lighten my load. First I started with patience, taking a deep breath, being aware, correcting the problem so to speak. Then I started pacing myself (because I go from 0 to 60) and even in the littlest tasks I found myself needing to slow down. Who was I racing for? and I mean everything I did I caught myself going as fast as possible. It weakened me. And I am pretty sure being sick has made that worse... trying to get what I can done When I can. But it was fueling my crazy dysfunctional autonomic nervous system. I was throwing matches to the fire. (no this is not a cure to my dysfunction) but I know it helps. Getting worked up, stressed out is any sick person's enemy. I wasn't trying to get all worked up it was just what was happening like a bad habit. Oh wait! it is a bad habit! And I am not saying I don't still have that habit... but I am working on it and making improvements that are changing my life for the better. Being sick is hard. I freak out a lot. I get very scared of the unknown. But these new changes are helping me cope. My world is brighter, lighter, I find peace. I know it is because of Jesus Christ who is leading me, guiding me, varying me through this rough time. But to have peace today while getting my PICC line placed and learning home health is coming to my house and I am going to have TPN (total parenteral nutrition) through this PICC. Because my stomach is paralyzed due to my dysautonomia.....Yes, fear is there but I know my Heavenly father is there. He is guiding me pushing me, helping me. He has a plan for me eternal and beyond this sickly life... but the sick  part is teaching me more then I could probably ever know.
This is my other arm bruised and battered from countless Iv's from IV Therapy (prior to getting a picc and new treatments)