I was so happy last Sunday when I got to go to church! I have been very ill. So ill going to an hour of sacrament meeting was just too much for me. I know an hour doesn't seem like a long time but mix it up with Dysautonomia/POTS and a slew of other things with no diagnosis and an hour can be very long. Stopping going places comes with the mean territory of sickness.When I stopped going every week to church I prayed to be able to go. I prayed about how guilty I felt. I felt like wow I can' t go to church I must really be letting Heavenly Father down. And of course, there was a lot of confusion. Why when I was trying to be so obedient... Why could I not get the health to attend?? Some time later I learned that it wasn't a punishment of any sort it did not reflect my righteousness, my trying. And one night I was praying and I apologized again and the Lord let me know that he understood. He always has understood and he let me know I no longer needed to carry that guilt around nor, be sorry. Not being able to attend church like I wanted has been a trial all in it's own. Some people can judge and think how awful I am but I still keep my values, I study scriptures often and walk in the ways the Lord wants me. Church is important in all religions but going to church is not what makes you a member. Living it, experiencing it, making your life it, those are the things that the lord wants us to do! (he wants us to go to church too) this is in NO way me saying not to go to church or any such thing. Church is a wonderful blessing and I hope to be able to go next week and every week after that! Church is a wonderful thing to attend and we should! I sure miss it and when my grandma walked in and saw me she lit up. (we used to go together before I was so ill) I don't think I will ever forget it. a wonderful spiritual reflecting on the importance of family special moment. Cherish the small things as much as the large for I bet those small things are much greater <3-Chelle
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