It's a Treck.

When you are chronically ill good days are worth more than diamonds. Nothing in the world could price a good health day.  When you are sick all the time. Life becomes dreadful doctor appointments, counting and popping pills, seeking help and not always finding it. You forget the old "normal things" like just getting in the car and going somewhere, not caring about the weather, not worrying if you are going to make it through the outing. Even walking outside is not the same. You loose that carefreeness in a flash. It turns into worry; am I strong enough to walk that far, can I handle all the people I am not used to being around, (the what if's are my favorites... and believe me when you are chronically ill you are no longer invincible. Therefore everything is possible. That can send you into what if overdrive.) There is a lot of misery involved. It is like trekking the Amazon with no gear. half the time we are lost and  finding our way through the bushes, trees, and the rain and the other half we are on a path somebody else has taken in hopes of getting to our destination. That destination being some form of health/quality of life. Then the darkness comes and  it is such a thick darkness you can't even see through it. Nor, past it. It forces you into total blindness of what's ahead. You think you've made it through to see light.... then trip on a rock face first into the ground. Even still, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Everyday is a struggle but you enjoy the ride. Yes there are times of misery but there are times of wonderfulness too. Things you could not have learned from not trekking the Amazon. Sure She is a beast, but in the end you get to your destination, Happy, with new skills, & alive.