Wednesday, June 1, 2016

What I Know Today

As the day went by yesterday I felt better. But when I woke up this morning I ground my pills, got a new syringe ready, grabbed my liquid phenegran, which is anti nausea (took it first) holy cow! My body was not ok with that it hit very fast and made me so sick for a good 20 minutes  or so. But it passes mostly I am still very nauseated (ironic my nausea medicine worsens my nausea (temporarily)?) I just barely got all my morning meds in. Hopefully now I can feel better because I am lethargic and my head hurts, well really everything hurts. My gastroparesis is probably right now worse than yesterday. My feeds are still at 20ml. I have some allergies but will have to wait until my body calms down to take anything for that. But through all this after  I literally picked myself up off the floor holding back my gags back in fear of throwing up my oral medication I had previously taken. I crawled into bed and said a small prayer "heavenly Father I need you to help me through this" and I hear a "you are okay" "it's going to all be okay" I have been doubting my big life plan of everything working out or being okay and it's been toxic for me. And I really am working on that.  So hearing those words filled my heart with hope and gladness I really needed that reassurance. I cried my happy spirit tears and felt so relieved!  I have been distant from my Heavenly Father. More then I would like to admit. And I've been really fighting to read those scriptures daily and to pray. But I know how truly important those acts of building our relationship  with God is! So I keep fighting. And though while I was so sickly in my bed This morning, I knew he wasn't going to take my pain away. So I did not ask.  But I knew he would be there with me giving me the patience and comfort I needed. Cheering me along. And he did. And I have great peace in my heart. I know some of us don't get healed for a reason. And in my opinion, it is so we can learn and grow as individuals due to the trials that come with being chronically ill our close family and friends learn things too.if we all lived in a perfect world how would we learn anything about free agency or the plan of salvation? Would we have that desire to go to Heaven if we lived in an already perfect world with perfect lifes? And what about growing towards eternal goals? we came here to get our bodies agreeing to the terms of the struggles we all face in life. Trials are like parents discipline (they are not fun and sometimes hard to go through, we might miss out on a party while washing the windows instead  but we will be taught our lesson) God loves us all and our loving Heavenly Father as well! That I can promise and if you can't feel them remind yourself through faith that they are there for you. Cling to what you do know and cling to the teachings of the lord read you scriptures and pray build up your relationship. We never walk alone in this life.-Chelle