The truth about life is, it is real, it is raw, it can throw us all around in all sorts of different directions. Bad things happen unfortunately but we agreed to live with these "bad things" before we came here on this earth. The devil wants us to forget this and he wants to torment us through worry, anxiety, he wants us to run from our Father in Heaven. He wants his evils to lurch upon us until all that is left is him and us. He makes our minds wander no good thoughts. He bring upon us doom. The good news is we have a Father in Heaven and with him we can create a shield against evil. All Evil. The devil looses all his power when you practice good faith, follow the commandments given, choose the right, and always stand by your lord and redeemer Jesus Christ. When those things are practiced all things we can handle, we will be given the strength in any situation. We will have peace, and everything will be okay! Read those scriptures, pray unto the lord, he is there listening and waiting to comfort and guide you into your eternal purpose. We all have a purpose here, even when it seems like everything is wrong and nothing else could possibly get worse.... for me, that is my personal cue that I am in trouble and I need to cling unto my faith and the lord. When I feel so down that I can no longer stand, I pray. He is always there with big open loving arms, each and every time... it never ever fails.
Last night I realized something that shocked me... I had quit working on my book of faith, I quit looking for those "sticky notes" I know my redeemer leaves for me always... I had basically in my state of grieving quit doing all things that I know would make things okay again. Things that would put my broken puzzle of a heart back together... I quit praying for tape and glue to fix this brokenness inside me physically and mentally. ( yes I literally pray for tape and glue). In this moment of realization I had a whole different kind of realization, by doing these things the devil was lurching up on me. and worse I had given him the power to... But being human we all make mistakes, I feel what is important is how we fix those mistakes and avoid them repeating later... I felt shocked in a sense and very upset at myself.... then I went into "okay lord what do I need to do"... he answered me: to work on that book of faith. I at the time in such sorrow thought: "I need to do that but why? What would be the point a book could not fix this?"... As I worked on the book word by word, in my shaking ugly hand writing, I learned I was VERY wrong. That book did help me and it helped me sooo much I can not describe it... it fueled my will to keep going. That book took all my worries away, the entire time I worked on it...The anxiety lessened. The pain and suffering, not such a burden and let me tell you I slept wonderfully last night. Tonight I did the same thing, worked on that book and I feel so surrounded by love and goodness. It was a choice. I am glad I chose to follow God's ways and I am just so blessed. being sick is soo awful. it really is! but I have learned such a large amount of goodness from it that I would go back 8 years ago and choose it. I would choose to be sick if I had that choice... know what's funny about that statement? I did have the choice in the pre existence. I chose this. I chose this body, this life. I have such a wonderful family and such a wonderful Love for me in Heaven. I am blessed to have angels at my wayside when times are tough or just simply overwhelming. They are there and they comfort me. Just like God and Jesus do. Through the Holy Ghost. My brain can not contain it all, it is such an amazing thing to me. I am so lucky. Being sick is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me even though it also has been the worst. If my mantra is true and trials truly do bring the biggest blessings in life.... then trial on I will. In humility with goodness in my heart.