Monday, August 18, 2014

Catch Up.

It may seem darkness is never ending in trying times,
The storm won't last forever
I went to see my neurologist at Mayo last Thursday, I was super nervous. He ended up being really good though... haha he left us waiting for 2 hours because he forgot me and got lost in the emg lab haha (I truly didn't care, I will wait a year for a good doctor... everyone is human) bad news is I am at the end of my treatment line and the heat makes all POTS dysautonomia patient's symptoms worse (and mast cell activation disorder) so the good news is in a month or so when the weather cools I should feel some form of relief! He upped a medication seems to be helping but hard to tell because the night before last I threw up...so I am sure some of that came up. I hate just vomiting it is one  of the worst things on this earth, the weird part was I didn't even have a stomach ache just nausea and bam! ... I live with a constant nausea really. When I eat food it feels like I swallowed razor blades. I will see the may motility clinic next month so praying they can make me better! God has a plan for me. I am hoping to live a fulfilling life even sickly, I just keep thinking of all the things I want in life... sometimes I use that energy for a drive to push myself harder and other times it is a total weak spot. That's part of being sick.... I am starting to run into situations that are hard for me like going out into public with my symptoms, I can't hide them, it embarrasses me and I feel so weak... Then another part of me gets super mad or sad and jealous of all the healthy people around me. Don't they know there are sick people in this world wanting to be healthy like them?! No, of course not how could they know... it is not their faults ever, I am sure one day it won't be so frustrating... I will wait for that day. I know I am not alone. My father in heaven... Yeah he is always there!-chelle