Saturday, August 23, 2014

This is My POTS Look

This is my haven't slept and have been pretty sick for 32ish hours,
but hey who's counting!
These days are rough but God somehow, some ways gives me continuously strength to get through this trial. Strength to be sick practically all the time.
Strength to go out in public looking 'fine' and being a total mess inside, some days I cry inside even though I may look perfectly fine...other days I cry aloud and look well (to me) pathetic. I know tears are good, when we cry we let go of bad things.
I wish I never had to cry again but I know I am a 21 year old female living a lifetime of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome Dysautonomia... the tears are bound to happen.
Everyone cries. Everyone has trials, & hurt in there life...
The other day a dear friend was dealing with a hard time in her life,
She mentioned to me "you probably think I am just a big baby. You have so much to deal with."
My reply, "No of course not. We all have trials & they are not all the same but I think we all feel the same amount of heartaches in always hurts, a heartache, & in the scriptures it does say that mans heart will fail them..."
Being sick, I am not sure if I will ever find it okay or normal.
But I hope one day it becomes easier.
One day all the symptoms magically disappear.
I have hope.
But I know too I have a plan eternal and I have already seen the hardships of illness have brought me some very mighty blessings & knowledge.
I do not know what tomorrow will bring, nor next week, nor next year...
But I know Lord, you will always be at my side in good times and bad times, you are there. There are bigger reasons to my constant illness than I am sure I could ever imagine.
Some people would say I was "cursed" believe me I have those days where nothing is fair, and I want to figure out what I did so wrong to deserve this...nothing... I did nothing wrong
God loves us all the same and it took me a long time to realize God does not punish us. Never EVER! He is our life line of hope and goodness.
He gives us the gift of his son Jesus Christ to guide and comfort us.
We are so lucky to be here on this earth. Living a life to eternity. But bottom line we are all going through something at sometime. We are weight lifting the lessons of life. It will hurt before it gets better, or easier. We will be sore before we can lift the heavy weights of life...but when we do we will be so much stronger then before.
And that no one can ever take away! xoxo-Chelle

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