Monday, December 1, 2014

Hospitals Stays Make Me Think.


My recent hospital stay was hard on me, Lots of not feeling good and pain. I am still very weak from it. It gave me lots of time to think. I also am growing scared of Gastroparesis. Dysautonomia is a monster! It is claiming me in lots of ways and getting too close to my safety, for my likings. Tubes are not nutrition and I'd gladly throw them out but this situation isn't necessarily a choice now is it... The fear and worry (that usually sideswipes me with negativity) have pushed me further to rely on Jesus Christ and God. I always rely on them... But going through all these hard trials. Even though I drag my feet the whole way. I know I always come out learning something. Something more important than my sufferings. I view things differently. I think for every suffering here on earth, we get made up ten times more in heaven. I wish I could take the bad away. Heal my body. The fact is, I can't. I can strive to better myself through Heavenly Father's eyes in any situation. No matter how tough those situations may be. I have endless love constantly. I have hope of some sort of being better & though some days that hope is just a tiny glimmer in my heart, it never fades. One day I will be whole again sufferings of being sick don't last eternities just life times. I find peace in the resurrection.(not that I want to die in any way, I hope I don't misinterpret this) I have a testimony that Jesus Christ is real and I have a plan! It makes the hardship softer and my heart bigger. I feel my Savior's endless love for me. Today I had "I Stand All Amazed" playing in my head. But really that's how I have been feeling... think of all the sufferings Jesus went through for me, for you. He was Crucified. He bled and died for us. He went through every suffering there is. Could you imagine that. I was thinking about that today and just my sufferings have me overwhelmed lately could you imagine every suffering you can think of at one time? He must really love us. <3 - Chelle