Monday, December 15, 2014

If I only had today

If I only had today what would I do?..
What is my purpose here on Earth?
If I only had today to live I'd want 3 things; my family to know how much I love them, God's Blessings/approval, to make a difference. I really am just a regular Lady living an extraordinary life. Some days all I do is lay in bed and pray that tomorrow I will have a better day. Some days I wish for the day in bed to come back because my pain is too high. The burdens too high. Some days I cry for cures or better treatments. Some days I get mad that this awful thing has happened to me. Some days I feel robbed. That I am missing out on life. That nothing could ever make this okay. Some days I feel a burden to my family. Some days I am scared to death. Some days I don't think, I block it all out. Some days I smile and pretend I am just fine. Some days I am okay and just 'fine'. Some days I spend countless hours on the internet searching for treatments/cures, & specialists. Some days I drag myself out of bed and go to doctors. Some days I play pharmacist and feel like I count endless pills. Some days I talk on the phone all day playing my own receptionist. Some days I make my dog lay near so I don't feel alone. Some days I grieve the old me. Some days I dream of a different me, what I would be like if I did not get sick. Some days I cry. A lot. Some days I worry about finances and how I will ever take care of myself. Some days I quit. Some days I feel like I am literally on a roller coaster and I can't get off. Some days I spend in hospitals or emergency rooms. Getting no further help because I am "complicated" or "rare" or "unknown". Some days I am labeled. Some days I just put one foot in front of the other Because it is all I can do. But all those bad days give me moments I could never forget! Beautiful blessing and a clearer purpose of what this life entails and how I should be living it.  That I should live to the commandments of the Lord in righteousness. That I am different and it is okay! I have purpose here. I will do my best to make a difference on this earth. Even if it just is for one person. I will have done my job. I will never quit  fighting this battle. life here on Earth is just days in the Eternity of Heaven. I would rather fight for my Eternal blessings here for years on this Earth than A day in Heaven. God pushes me in this life so I can learn and be humbled. I may have a lot to overcome but God is there for me always. Pushing me forward like an never ending loving Father. I will be whole again one day. In the meantime, TODAY I will hold tight to these beautiful moments being sick gives to me I will be a light. I will be holy. I will spread Christlike love. <3 -Chelle
" A bad day on earth is just moments in Heaven"- me.

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