Tuesday, July 8, 2014

He hears us, He is there, He loves us all

My Heavenly Father hears me, he hears us all no matter what is going on or really on our minds... Tonight I held a heavy heart, and a little anxiety about the person I have become... I think at times we all ask ourselves "Have I done any good in the world today?" or " Is my life making a difference?" I think at times we second guess ourselves as things may not be what we feel they should be. This evening I went to the Grocery store with my mom to pick up a few things, as I had no makeup on and frumpy messy bunned hair. I just had that little reminder in my head of that old me is so gone.... in ways it is a blessing and a good thing the "old" (presick) me is gone for I have learned so much! but I do tend to long for that girl I used to be. Being sick took her from me, stripped me of my youth. I will never be a teen again and that's hard because now even if I get better somehow I will now be such a different adult. Sometimes my heart feels dreary when I think of these things. I am an adult and I don't have much to show for it. That is besides countless doctor appointments and tests, the medications. I have no car, no apartment, nothing besides what my parents graciously give me. These realities make me feel as little as an ant for I had a lot going for me when I was the "old me" I was smarter, I didn't forget things, I was creative, I was athletic. Now it's everything I can do to do simple basic tasks. but the improvements are there and I do embrace them very much! I miss being that glamorous young lady who cared about make up and hair and all the latest trends. Now I walk into a store with no clue what I think is even cute, or even a decent price. It's like I was stuck in  a jail for 2 years and now I just got sprung but the world seems so different. These are the moments I must remind myself how far I have come, just in different ways. I had and still have a mountain smacked in front of me and there was no way around it, I had to climb & climb hard! I am still climbing but the best part in the middle of all this chaos, emotions, and of course climbing.... I am growing testimonies, my faith is multiplying more then I can count. I am being blessed with my Savior's love endlessly. That makes all this negative everything, so worth it. All those bad days, sleepless nights, horrendous memories I have been growing a strength no one can ever take away from me as well as a very special bond with my Father in Heaven <3 He is there for me no matter what good or bad days I have. When I am down and worried he sends me his love and assurance . Every time. Tonight I had worry on my mind until I opened up my book of faith, and read the following with tear filled eyes and a beaming grateful heart; "And whoso shall ask it in my name in faith, they shall cast out devils; they shall heal the sick; they shall cause the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak, and the lame to walk." - D&C 35:9. Also I read; "49. He who hath faith to see shall see. 50 He who hath faith to hear shall hear. 51 The lame who hath faith to leap shall leap 52 And they who have not faith to do these tings, but believe in me, have the power to become my sons; and inasmuch as they break not my laws thou shalt bear their infirmities." D&C 42-52. Just pray he is listening, pay attention he is there <3 - Chelle