Monday, February 17, 2014

I don't want to be me, I want to be somebody else for a day...


Do you ever just want to be somebody else for a day? That is how I feel today...I want to be somebody else today. I don't want to be me. I don't want to be sick. I most definitely do not want to worry about what is wrong with my body. I don't want to long for the day I  get a diagnosis to my jumbled up broken body. I don't want to worry about the fact that is has been 7 1/2 years and I still do not know at the end of the day what is the matter with me. I do not want to. I want to be somebody else... But maybe being somebody else for a day wouldn't solve my problems. Maybe that somebody would have more problems then me. Maybe that somebody else would have to work twice, maybe three times harder to have what I already have... maybe being somebody else is not what I want at all. Sure today was hard for me. I might have physical struggles with my body that turn into emotional struggles. Am I the only one in the world sick? No I am not. Am I the only frustrated person in the world today? No I am not. Am I the only person who is worried today? No I am not. Am I the only person searching and hoping for a diagnosis or a cure of a sickly body? No I am not. Am I the only person who is struggling with something in life? No I am not. I guess being somebody else just wouldn't solve my problems... maybe that somebody else would make me more grateful for what I do have in life. I just want to be me. even if that means struggling a day at a time with a body that isn't working the way I want. We do not get everything we want in life... even if we were somebody else for a day...I think we would find our problems to be smaller than we realized. Maybe that person who seems to have the "perfect" life, would not. WE all have our own trials. For now mine is being sick. I will have to pray extra hard tonight for comfort and healing. I have been very lucky to have felt so well the past few weeks. I pray and hope it doesn't end... today was just a bad day and I always have a new tomorrow no matter what. I can not change my body but I can choose to keep going, keep fighting, and keep hoping for health again one day. God's plan for me is special, it must be for I keep going through struggles I never thought possible... on the bright side I am stronger than I ever imagined I would be and I am definitely braver. More than that I am a better me today than I was 7 1/2 years ago. Maybe being me and not somebody else is the biggest blessing of all...