Saturday, February 22, 2014

Sick of being Sick!

Tonight I have had It I am officially sick of being sick! I am not going to lie my mood isn't at it's best...but that's part of being sick bad nights where you can't sleep a wink, feel awful, and then you get grouchy. Tonight I feel grouchy at anything and everything! Sorry world ;) yea I am throwing myself a pity party. I just want to be fixed and the reality of all these years adding up...I think when I let myself truly think about them gives me a mini reality check that next year I probably won't magically get better...I always do that... I think to myself next year...even though next year has never came for me...maybe that's my denial...but I have to have hope for a better life and a better tomorrow I can be healed even if it seems impossible right?  How am I suppose to live life this way it seems nearly impossible...How will I ever meet the needs of life? I don't have an answer for that except that god sent me here...for a being sickly is for a frustrations...for a reason...they make me a better me somehow! Some of my old problems are diminishing...maybe I should just hold on to that to get me through the night...I probably will always be sick but my old impossibles have turned into miracles (though I am not fully healed) ...if impossibles can be turned into miracles I guess I must keep fighting and remember the good in spite of the bad times. I have nights like this but the tomorrows are always better and much happier!