Saturday, May 3, 2014
Oh My Goodness, I am Finally Home!
Hi Strangers! So I am going to knock out the bad part of my last few days, simply because I do Not want to end this on a bad note. :) I saw a doctor this past week who treated me as mean as I have ever been treated in my life... not only did she pretty much call me every bad, evil thing a medical professional could call me but she did it until I actually just cried. By the time I left in about maybe an hour, I was heart-broken, crushed, my hope was lost, I felt scared, alone, nervous, I think I experienced about every awful feeling there is for a good hour and a half. But luckily I am blessed with a wonderful mother who knows me and helps me to keep things balanced in life. I will not lie tears flowed for a good hour (if not longer.) This medical professional called me "anorexic bulimic",(I do not find shame in these diseases whoa wait! Hold the phone I am not saying I agree with this if you are hurting your body please stop and get medical help if needed, my heart goes out to you for those are true diseases...but when it is so far from what is wrong with you and you are truly ill for years, with unknown symptoms it hurts) basically called me crazy, that "I wanted attention", that "I needed to stop wasting my parents money & putting them into further debt", that "I needed to quit going to doctors and getting tests", and ended with "you have been abused it just simply has not come to surface yet." ALL THESE ACUSATIONS ARE 100% FALSE. She also does not believe In Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome or any other Autonomic Dysfunction... She said my Neurologist was basically an idiot and there was NO scientific proof of these disorders they are all psychological... I do not believe a word she said oh and also diagnostic testing of the Gallbladder is a money maker they should never be removed and in her notes I did not have any symptom relief after gallbladder removal years ago (also not true I felt much better) I set her straight on a few wrong comments, when I realized I could not do one thing to change this person's mind it was clearly already set and very small minded. She told me the other doctors I had seen the past few months also felt my sickness is all psychological. (which I believed, until a few hours later I realized she was lying to me) ... if they did not believe me would they be testing further for Dysautonomia?? NO, they would not they would have sent me home. Would they put me on a 10,000mg a day salt diet (with fluid intake) No, they would never, ever do that....When I returned home to my computer I got onto my patient portal and found my notes from ALL physicians... The Rheumatologist, Neurologist, and Cardiologist (the other doctors who agreed I was crazy) Simply did not think that at all... it was listed I had anxiety (which I do) and have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder (which I have)...(most POTS patients are wrongly diagnosed with an anxiety disorder before proper diagnosis of Dysautonomia) bottom line I want to share this ugly story because you my friends know your body! And you also know when you are and are not ill! Please, I believe In psychological issues and know they are very true but I also know that isn't why I am ill... and if you know it deep in your heart... you aren't either, You only know you! I see a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist and I am not ashamed and also I do not believe CRAZY exists... I do believe in health problems though...no one deserves to be labeled as crazy. I believe in you! Keep going, fight that fight! GOOD NEWS: my heart has been reviewed by a Cardiologist (again) I have no structural problems with my heart, he does not think I am crazy, he does think I am ill and probably with POTS. I am not thrilled with the fact I probably have POTS but I am happy doctors still believe in me and there is a reason for this awful craziness (my symptoms may be crazy & weird but I however am not!) I did have some very unusual hearing loss that made no real since and was also "weird" (feelings not hurt by being called weird, no harm in weird symptoms) neuro. will review it and go from there... That's the past few days and I am worn out!! being sick is so hard! if you are ill, I believe in healing, I believe in miracles, Jesus loves you and God loves you! I prayed and prayed the following day for goods news and no more doctors being mean. I got what I prayed for! My Cardiologist was truly god sent to me... He was soo kind and wonderful! and I could tell thorough, and smart! Trials build us up to be the strongest... we wouldn't be with out them that strong for no one would go through hard things on our own... the teacher has to push us sometimes to find our greater purpose:) Lots of Love, you can do it xoxo - Chelle