Sunday, May 11, 2014

Where I Am

How am I dealing with my new diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome/Dysautonomia and Mass cell activation....Well as I have hope and faith for healing, I can not help but to be nervous and anxious.... my brain has had time for the "bad thoughts" to kick in... I wish I could find that little switch in my brain and turn those thoughts off... I know it is because I have been here before, staring a new diagnosis in the face thinking this is it! and I will now get better... then months later get no where... my neurologist was very thorough and positive so that does give me hope and he did prove to me that I do in fact have proof of these diagnoses.... he even stated that I will not get worse if I do my treatment (which I am) and it will be a long process...this treatment seems insane but I know it makes sense... 4 times the regular amount of zyretec/allegra, a mass cell suppressant, and  another medication to get those cells to stop... This medication adjustment is a big one my body is angry and I can tell it is helping but wow I think my body is in system shock overload on this stuff... tonight I am sick just do not feel good worried/ anxious, nauseated, hot and cold, and then there are moments when I feel like I can not breathe ... I know some of this is anxiety but I also know some is in fact my symptoms... my brain feels like scrambled eggs... I just have to be faithful and prayers are what is keeping me together right now... I have to put my faith in gear! My father in heaven loves me and is with me and he will heal me again, I just wish my nerves would settle down and listen to my heart. My heart is right, D&C: 84:88 "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up." this is true this is oh so true and I know it! I have my angels up in heaven helping me, making me stronger and comforting me when I need it! I am so thankful for the gospel and the restoration of this church. I don't know where i'd be with out it but I do know it would not be good. That's for sure! It is the best part of everything in this life. I feel my savior's love in this challenging time for me and I know he is understanding of my feelings.
P.S I am soo sore from literally a minute of pedaling in a chair... I knew my body was weak but staring reality in the face is scary... I can only wait for the day to come when I have my body back again In working condition... faith, & patience! I pray for your healings of your afflictions from the bottom of my heart! XOXO- Chelle
"Come what may and LOVE IT."- Elder Joseph B Wirthlin