Monday, March 10, 2014

Horrible Weekend...Happy Monday...New Week

I don't have anything cool to blog or chat about today.... So I will do an update, I had my test done Friday morning for my nervous system. That consisted of what I think was nerve stimulation, lots of blood pressure being taken, and heart rate was very monitored...oh and  they started the test with a  sweat test... Friday night I was pretty sore... Saturday I had pain everywhere and when I say everywhere I mean literally head to toe! Every joint, bone, and muscle... but I was still functioning...Saturday night is what I rate on my bad night scales on a 1-10 ... it was a ten...Sunday I felt HORRIBLE  and hurt the whole day so awful....Sunday night HORRIBLE definitely a ten...Monday morning, woke up feeling sore but overall feel good again...What?! so confusing of course I feel better when it is Monday and the doctors are back in.... but I am very relieved I feel good right now... Wishing I knew what was wrong with me. Some days like this weekend it is so overwhelming and I have a very hard time chocking down the fact that I am so sickly and I have no answers after 7 years and counting. Those days are the worst... when I feel so physically awful I feel that I must be dying and then the mental state goes to worrying about what is wrong. Why can't anyone figure it out, what will it be when they do figure it out, and will it kill me potentially.... Those are my thought cycles it just goes over and over. I even occasionally get jealous of people who have a diagnosis. Why did those people get help and not me and why did it only take them a week or a month and I have been living a night mare for all this time... The only answer I know is I am being made stronger and into a better me... I always say trials are the biggest blessings in the end... but I am human and some days when I am really struggling, it is hard to remember that no matter how often I tell myself... but I know the lord is near and it is in his hands and he will do what is best for me... Taking it day by day I had a bad past few days but today the clouds are lifted the pain is gone and the sun is shinning.... These are the kind of days I pray for...

This is an old picture I refer to. The bracelet I am holding was given to me by my dear cousin and it's what I stand for... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! & always be tough!