Thursday, March 6, 2014

Who Would I be without the me i am now?

I find myself thinking of this long journey I am journeying ... seven and a half years of turmoil, pain, illness, days of depression, days filled with anxiety of the unknown, days of fight, days of doctors & nurses, days of longing, and days of grieving the old you, the person you in this time you so deeply want to find again... in these seven and a half years a lot of things have I been through some good a lot of hardships and trials... it never seemed fair...I'd always find myself asking WHY. WHY ME?...I did not do anything wrong and I did not deserve these awful things that where happening to me whether I liked it or not... But one day I found myself again... I was STILL me... except I was an older much wiser and better me... a me full of thanks for the good times and EVEN the bad ones... if it were not for the trails I have been through so young testing me daily, hourly, every minute, even second... I would simply not be the Michelle I am today... I have such an appreciation for time on this earth, even more for good days, I have come a long way to learn so much, I honestly can't explain all the lessons I have received, besides to say it was god all along helping me, lifting me, molding me into a better me... it seemed dark a lot and lonely but he was there to help me.. I never went family was and still is always there...I am so thankful for this heartache I have carried for years and the trials god has given me...they themselves brought me back to god...I wasn't always so sure about god and the church in all honestly...but let me tell you it didn't take me long to find my way right back home... the place where I I can look back and see this long path I have paved in some very tricky times at a very young age...stone by stone as I grew the path grew...Looking back it wasn't such a heartache as a HUGE blessing in my life... I know what is important in life now... I have such a deeper appreciation for the church in my life and everything that goes on to build me... I may not be an average 21 year old that is for sure but, I am a wonderful young lady who puts god first and has a deeper relationship with god then ever before...It's like I am atop a mountain looking down and I can see so many things that without my trials and being ill and broken down as far as I felt I could possibly be broke down to... I would have no clue about these amazing things! I have missed out on a lot of the "normal things" but I have a pocket full of wonderful mercies, miracles, love, and spiritual confirmations that I am doing what I am suppose to be... I don't have to be average and like everyone else now I have became an original and I am going to take pride in myself and continue to be that original and soak up all life has to give  me. Thank you so much Heavenly father for making me different, making me fight the unfightable, making me braver than I could of ever known. you are my rock, my savior, my love! I will continue down this path as long as you are by my side...and you will be <3